Ten fictional people I would not invite to a hypothetical dinner party.
Not even if I had a big enough table, could cook, and they existed at all.
- Jessica Fletcher from Murder she wrote (People die when she comes to your house. Thats not a good party trick.)
- James Bond (People blow up when he comes to your house. Thats a pretty good party trick, but he still aint coming).
- Hamlet (dour)
- Frankensteins Monster (Monster)
- Disneys version of Tigger (bouncybouncybouncybouncy. Really fucking annoying. I dont want to end up punching a cartoon tigger. This is supposed to be a dinner party)
- Bridget Jones (See Tigger. Plus, whiny)
- Jesus Christ (Just covering all my bases, since I put him in the historicals list. Dont want to offend any atheists Also, beard)
- Dr Jeckyll/Mr Hyde (Split personalities fuck up seating plans. Also, murderer)
- Forrest Gump (Or, in fact, any character portrayed by Mr Hanks)
- Flipper (limited conversationalist. Also, removal from water would lead to his death by the middle of the pre-dinner cocktail. Dead Dolphin a general dinner-party-downer. Particularly when youre serving tuna.)