The Stupidest cat I ever

The Stupidest cat I ever had.

Of the two Im living with now, one is easier to trick than the other.
They have a stick with feathers on, a toy, and while one is happier to sit and watch it get moved around the floor, its pretty simple to get the other running round in circles until he gets dizzy and falls over.
Its very funny.

Not as funny as the cat my family had though, a long while ago.
He was very stupid.
Cute, but really, really stupid. His name was Bobbins, for flatulent reasons, but thats another story.

Usually they were fed pretty run of the mill food, dry food actually, in an attempt to stop Bobbins getting any more obese than he already was.
Of course, Bobbins was getting fat mainly because he was eating at every other house in the road as well as our own, but we didnt know that at the time, so we carried on feeding him diet pussy food, in the hope that hed get thinner.
Occasionally, however, for a treat, wed boil up some cheap fish, and theyd have a little bit at a time, to go with the diet food, which lets face it, must have been horrible, as all diet food is.

Now, bobbins could smell the fish boiling away, as could the other (clever) cat, Poppy. But while Poppy would sit quietly, waiting, Bobbins would make your life hell until he got his fish.

While it was boiling away, in the pan, and while it was sitting in a sieve, cooling down, hed spring from chair to chair, leap up onto your shoulders, find a place of reasonable height to stand and catch you with his claws every time you wandered past, wander along any shelves he could reach, swing on the door handle, break stuff and fart.

The fish took about 20 minutes to cool to a cat-edible standard.
There was no way Bobbins was waiting 20 minutes.

After about five he would annoy you so much that youd cave in.
Alright, youd say. Ill give you some fish, but Im telling you, Cat, its hot. You dont want it now, you want to wait. You just dont know it. Alright. Yes, Im fetching it. Get your claws out of my arm. Now, or therell be no fish. Stupid Mog.

Then youd put the bowl on the floor, after mashing it with a spoon to try and cool it, and youd retreat to the stairs, sit down and watch.

Bobbins would rush at the bowl, open his mouth, just get his little cat lips around the steaming fish, and then spring backwards, in suprise. He would look around the kitchen, suspiciously, and his gaze would rest on you. Hed trot over.
This fish is Hot! he would say, You have given me hot fish! Why?
Look, Bobbins! You would say, and point – Fish!

And he would turn around and look where you were pointing. Oooh! the cat would say, racing over to his bowl, Someones given me fish, yum yum yum yum Ouch!
And with his little puss lips almost around the pile of steaming fish, hed jump backwards, then look around the room suspiciously.
His gaze would settle on you, and hed come trotting over.
Excuse me He would say, This fish is hot! You have given me hot fish! Why?
Look Bobbins, Youd say, and point, Fish!

Oooh said Kitty, Someones given me fish, must eat the nice fish, yum yum yum yum Ouch!
suspicious look.
This fish is Hot!
Look, Bobbins, Fish!
padapadapadapadapada, head down, jump back, suspicious look.
This fish is hot!
Look, Bobbins, Fish!
Ooh! etc etc.
Once we did it 12 times before the fish cooled down enough to eat.

Dumb Cat.