I cant play the guitar

Ive just reminded myself of something, which is not my original point, or even a very interesting one, but true all the same;
I Cant Play The Guitar.

Thats it. Im aware that a lot of other people cant play the guitar. Its quite a common thing not to do. But the reason is this. While all my other fingers work just fine, bending-wise, slowly or fast, little gentle arcs of fingerness, my little finger doesnt. This may be a common affliction. Ive no idea. Maybe its shameful. Again, I dont know. But when I wish my little finger to hit something, thats exactly what it does, it hits, really hard. It pops from poised to pointing really fast, and I dont aim it right, I have to will it to pop back to poised and aim again. So some chords are fine, I can find them, and play them for as long as you like, no problem. Its all good. Give me a song with one chord, or with lots of chords not using little fingers and im fine. Well, not fine, Im still quite amazingly shite, but fine comparatively.

And I have tried. I really have. Ive tried to play chords using my gammy little finger. But to hear peoples reaction, youd think that watching someone with a jerky little digit is the funniest thing theyve seen since they last saw someone fall into a puddle. Or saw someone have a puddle fall onto them by the wheels of a car. – I know what I mean – I cant be the only person in the world, surely? Not the only one on the earth with a gammy finger. Surely not. It doesnt actually matter. I suppose having acoustic-guitar-little-finger is the same as having tennis elbow. I didnt want to play the guitar anyway.