I’ve just reminded myself of something, which is not my original point, or even a very interesting one, but true all the same;
I Can’t Play The Guitar.

That’s it. I’m aware that a lot of other people can’t play the guitar. It’s quite a common thing not to do. But the reason is this. While all my other fingers work just fine, bending-wise, slowly or fast, little gentle arcs of fingerness, my little finger doesn’t. This may be a common affliction. I’ve no idea. Maybe it’s shameful. Again, I don’t know. But when I wish my little finger to hit something, thats exactly what it does, it hits, really hard. It pops from poised to pointing really fast, and I don’t aim it right, I have to will it to pop back to poised and aim again. So some chords are fine, I can find them, and play them for as long as you like, no problem. It’s all good. Give me a song with one chord, or with lots of chords not using pinky fingers and I’m fine. Well, not fine, I’m still shite, but fine comparatively.

And I have tried. I really have. I’ve tried to play chords using my gammy little finger. But to hear people’s reaction, you’d think that watching someone with a jerky little digit is the funniest thing they’ve seen since they last saw someone fall into a puddle. Or saw someone have a puddle fall onto them, by a car- I know what I mean – I can’t be the only person in the world, surely? Not the only one on the earth with a gammy finger. Surely not. It doesn’t actually matter. I suppose having acoustic-guitar-little-finger is the same as having tennis elbow. I was never going to win Wimbledon. And I didn’t want to play the guitar anyway. Not much.