A list of things I know about raccoons

Anna
  1. The have cute faces that make them look a little bit like they’re wearing masks. Like bandits.
  2. They also have little hands with which they can grip things and open things. Like bandits.
  3. They also eat rubbish out of trash cans.
  4. But THEN they like to wash all their food in clean water before eating it. I’m not sure where bandits stand on the bin/food-washing process, but it definitely feels like this might also be quite a lot: Like bandits.
  5. A group of racoons is called a “gaze” or a “nursery”. My friend Lauren told me this. Those are some delightful terms for an intimidating collection of large rodents.
  6. They’re mainly nocturnal, except when they’re not. When they’re noct? No.
  7. You can put coyote pee in your garden, or wolf urine, or ammonia which smells like pee, and this is meant to deter them from wanting to hang out there. Or you can put movement-sensored lights that look like predators. Or that spray water.
  8. Urban raccoons are wise to ALL of these things, because urban raccoons have seen it all, and may well laugh in your face if you try any of them.
  9. Laughing in your face is probably something raccoons can do. And would do.
  10. Because they can stand on their back legs like little people. I think? I’m sure I’ve seen this. But between this and the little people-hands and the bandit-mask face thing, they’re extremely easy to mistake for small hairy bandit people who live under your deck and eat from your trash and wash their hands in your fountain.
  11. Sorry I kind of lost control of the factual list thing. Let me get back to it.
  12. Raccoons often live in human spaces, like attics, basements, or under decks in the garden, due to the closeness of food, water, and warmth. They’ll particularly seek these out during mating season and breeding season.
  13. Raccoons make a great deal of different noises, from chattering and cooing to screaming and… more screaming. Several of these noises are specific to mating season.
  14. Raccoon mating season in Northern California is from January to late March.

Ask me how I know. ASK ME HOW I KNOW.