Facts about Otters

That may or may not be true

Otters use hair gel.

Otter babies are very slippery and are commonly shot more than 450 feet during the birthing process. An extra-elasticated umbilical cord generally returns the otter to its mother, or somewhere nearby. Or upstream.

There is a documentary series in the pipes called How The Otter Half Live, about class divides in the Dutch otter community.

There has never been an otter prime minister.

Apparently (* Thank you La Lynne on twitter), Otters are called The Black Beast in the Gaelic. Which is reassuring, if it means there are no more threatening animals in Scotland deserving of the name.

To the human eye, otter penises look very tiny. On the otter hand, however, theyre very large.

– Otters are multilingual, but speak very very quietly.

The most famous burlesque otter dancer is called Lotta.

Lotta the Hotta Otta.

Each year, otters vote for their favourite artforms. In 2011, Otters voted overwhelmingly for their favourite film, in a 90% landslide. It was Showgirls.

Otters have very bad taste in films. And are very slow to get the latest releases.

There are fewer blogs written by otters than there are blogs written by people called Simon.

There are no otters called simon. The name is deeply frowned upon in the otter community, as it means something very, very rude in otter.

A group of otters started a political demonstration in sympathy with the one in New York last year. However, Otterpy The Corner Of This River Bend did not make as big a splash as they had been hoping.

A ha ha ha ha ha. Splash.

Otters dont really eat fish. They do, however, like to eat other things, moulded into the shape of fish. Like chicken.

Otters would like me to apologise on their behalf to any primary school students googling Facts About Otters for a school project years from now. Otters would like me to state that it was not their idea. I am not an official otter spokesperson. Or even an official spokesotter.

There is no such thing as an official spokesotter.