I have been exploring Vancouver since I arrived, two weeks ago.
Not during weekdays, so much, because I am mainly sitting in an office during daylight hours, writing ridiculously fun things and calling it work for Glitch (a game that is almost impossible to describe).
But at the weekends I am doing exploring. Well, last weekend and this weekend. This weekend was more fun, as My Beloved is here with me for a while – but last weekend, I explored alone…
…And, almost inevitably, found myself in the scuzziest part of Vancouver before I could say Wait, there ARE even scuzzy parts of Vancouver?!?
Now, I hear what youre saying. Youre saying Wait! There ARE scuzzy parts of Vancouver?!? – to which I can only say: I know! I said exactly the same thing. But apparently, there are. But theyre relatively small, and really quite mild. Well, there ones I have seen are, anyway. There may be some real humdingers hidden down dark alleyways that I havent noticed yet, but the ones in the middle of town – the stripjointy, porncinemaish sexshoppy bit that lives in an otherwise attractive bit of Downtown is quite mild on the scuzzometer.
As far as I can tell, anyway. I mean, Im no expert. Im mainly going off the fact that half of them seemed to be advertising 25c PEEP SHOW! in florescent tubed writing in the windows. I was going to take a picture of one of them for you, but I thought someone might charge me 25c for it, and frankly I didnt have any change on me.
Did leave me wondering what kind of a peep show one would get for 25c, though. Its not really very much. I mean, the Canadian dollar is strong, but even so thats not really *that* much in Her Majestys Sterling. Its 16p. Im not sure her Majesty carries that kind of small change around with her either. So she would, if she came to Vancouver planning to get a peep show, probably end up quite disappointed.
I think NOT ending up quite disappointed would be quite difficult, though. Its 25c. Does that represent
a) the length of the peep
b) the quality of the peep or
c) both the length AND quality of the peep.
Is it a milliseconds glance of something really quite naughty? Or a three minute film of someone ironing? Or a 5 minute film of someone bending over to sort out their welly cupboard, but in really slow motion and with only a fleeting glance at the back of their knees?
It is an important question. And one which, I fear, I will never answer. Not for myself, anyway.
Perhaps I should ask the queen. She knows about these things, doesnt she?
Or was that something else?
I know she came into this somewhere.
Have I mentioned how tired Ive been getting now? Well, I am.