Ive been sitting here staring at the blank box with the title at the top of it and feeling more and more reflective. I just dont know how to approach this.
I tried by making a list of my favourite things about 2009, but got stuck because every good thing I could remember reminded me of something else that had happened that I did not want to think about so much.
I tried by looking through photos (as Ive done a photo round up before) and while a lot of them reminded me of the happy exploring I have done, and the things Ive got to see, it also served as a perfect visual representation of how much I have fallen in love with San Francisco as a city, and made me sad to think that this time next year, I wont get to live here anymore.
2009 has been, for so many people I know, a really really shitty year. Its been a year of lost jobs, lost contracts, lost visas and homes. Its been horrible, watching so many people I love in pain because theyve lost parents, or children, or loved ones, or had their relationships suddenly break up, or their marriages end. There have been injuries, surgeries, cancers, miscarriages and diseases. The recession thing has made people fraught, working relationships difficult, and saving money impossible. I end this year in a more precarious financial and professional situation than ever could have imagined, and am dedicating much brain to having to think of a brilliant new plan that I can bring into play while having my lowest level of confidence in many years. And my problems are very small compared to some people around me (whether geographically or interneterly) and I really, REALLY hate 2009 for that.
If it wasnt for the fact that a couple of very good friends brought new (and particularly adorable) people into the world, I would politely request that we just erase 2009 from memory and write it off completely.
This is not what I wanted to write here. I didnt want to make a list of the bad things, or to remind myself or anyone else of them again. But the unfortunate fact is: thats what this year has held for me, for people I know. And perhaps I just need to scrub away all that bad stuff by actually putting it down here.
Im just going to leave it there, I think. I want to write a happier thing, but Im going to have to go and do that in another post. One where the sad is not allowed.
Tonight Im spending new years eve in a very snowy place with a good view of far off fireworks, and will be, at midnight, clutching a small bucket of fizzy wine and hoping that next year is better. Not just for me. For everyone. 2009 can piss off, frankly.