Ickiest advert Ive seen so far this year

(and, with the frankness of speech US adverts are renowned for, its certainly up against stiff competition) is awarded to an advert so completely risible its hilarious. This genital ad. No, not genial. Genital.

And I should make a point to be specific, because, my lorrrrrd, they dont shy away from details in this country. Have you got an itchy vagina? one advert might say. Are you unsatisfied in bed? another might blatently come out with. Does your ballsack smell of old plasticine? another might enquire. You have a tiny penis. states another, plainly We have a pill that probably wont make it any larger, but at least youll feel vaguely proactive and full of empty hope about the whole thing.

But apart from those – apart from all of those; theres this one that Ive seen only in the last few weeks for some vaginal complaint cream.

It features a shy but happy-looking woman walking from the shadows into the sunshine, and a

When the itch disappears when the odour is gone when you feel clean and fresh THEN you can come back to your life.

Which just always sounds like it should conclude with:

Until then, Stay in the bushes.

And then maybe a backing up of that sentiment, like:

Thou art UNCLEAN, filthy woman. Begone.

Leading to a simple payoff slogan of:

Scented vag-wipes. Because youre Dirty.

Sorry, I just cant stop thinking it every time I see it, and had to write it down somewhere. Which, incidentally, reminds me of a conversation I was having the other week with someone lovely who was idly chatting about a work colleague and mysteriously dropped in the line: But hes a bit of a neat-freak. He wont even let his wife sit on the sofa while shes on her period – but I never managed to get deeper into that story, and it really deserves a post of its own some other time (because really?! is that really a THING? A thing people DO and put up with? Really?!).

Still though. these pesky women and their stinky, messy bits, eh? Tut. When will they learn?

Ahem. Sorry, I meant to write something skippy and positive about New Year and resolutions. maybe tomorrow, eh?