Say peas

I am not in the habit of saying contentious things. I am not, by nature, quarrelsome. I mean, I am a little bit in real life although, sadly, only if you know me really well. The more passing our acquaintance, the more positively pleased I will be to bend over backwards to be as nice as pie to you, almost whatever you say (though there are some exceptions, we will talk about them another time). And online I do try very hard to be offensive to almost nobody almost all of the time, since the moment I realised that if you say argumentative things, people will argue with you. If you say contentious things, people sometimes shout. I hate shouting.

So anyway, I didnt mean to be in any way controversial the other day when I happened to twitter that I was enjoying a nice cooling glass of something fizzy (diet coke, I think, but that point is interchangeable) with some frozen peas in it.

And all of a sudden there was shouting like Id said something WRONG or quarrelsome or in some way intending to incite fear, shock or horror in any readers.

I just like frozen peas. I dont think thats weird, is it? I think a lot of people eat frozen peas straight from the freezer. I am hoping you will back me up on that (you can do so in the comment box. If there is enough of a groundswell we will start a support group and have our own website). Frozen peas are one of my comfort snacks – have been since my early teens at least.

They are one of the best snacks ever. Because they are crunchy and sweet (but in a savoury kind of way, and I am a savoury person) and cold and well theyre peas, I dont need to sell you peas, do I? Peas are great. Like chickens. But smaller, and round, and green.

Chickens should never be green. Or round.

Other than that they are the same.

Anyway. Frozen peas are nice straight up, and theyre also nice poured into a little bowl straight from the packet and with salt and malt vinegar poured liberally all over them, although that can give you heartburn AND brainfreeze at the same time if you drink the leftover vinegar afterward (I realise Im starting to veer into weird now, and am going to change tack before anyone gets too put off)

The thing is, when you happen to have a glass of something nice and cold and fizzy in one hand, and a handful of frozen peas in the other hand, and you suddenly realise that you havent got any spare hands for the remote control or your book or the pooter; and, now you come to think of it, you havent got any ice either, then it makes all the sense in the WORLD to drop your peas in your fizzy pop, as I did one sunny afternoon many many years ago and have never looked back since, frankly.

I mean, obviously I dont do it in company, unless youre very very good company and you happen to know some of my odder proclivities and I happen to feel comfortable enough not to feel like Im going to have to go through this whole debate with you – though I suppose now Ive put it up here I wont, now, and we could all happily go out for a coke-pea-float some time. (Or a champagne-pea-float. Ive never tried it, but I cant see what could be seriously wrong with it as long as you chose your champagne carefully)

So there we have it.

To summarise:

– Frozen Peas good.

– They are crunchy, sweet and cold: you cant argue FOR choc ices and AGAINST frozen peas, therefore; they are practically the self same thing.

– Frozen peas with vinegar and salt good, but beware the post-indulgence vinegar-burn and peas-freeze (BAD).

– Frozen peas in fizzy pop: Nothing wrong with this at all. Proven.

So there.