Direct Damnits

Please do not fuck with me this week, I am really not in the mood.

Something someone should have told Virgin Media before their little courtesy-email computer fired off yet another monthly email to me.

Still, they may now be aware, for when their email informing them that I didnt have to do anything and they would simply be taking their monthly charge for their broadband service (the broadband service I cancelled three months ago, on leaving the country) and for my convenience, I didnt have to do anything, it was merely courteous of them to let me know – when it landed in my inbox I was just a little tiny bit frustrated anyway by some work that just wasnt working, and annoyed by someone running their engine outside my house, and so fired off ANOTHER reply to their stupid courtesy robot.

Dear Miss Anna Pickard

Were just writing to let you know that the Direct Debit Payment for the
instruction below is now due for collection:
Originators Identification Number: XXXXX
Account Name: JMC Pickard
Reference Number: XXXXXXXXX
Amount Due: £17.99

Dont worry, you dont need to do anything, well collect the amount
above automatically on or around 08-12-2008.

Thanks for choosing Virgin Media

Yours sincerely,
Head of Payment Processing
Virgin Media Payments Ltd

See? Dont worry! You dont have to do anything about the fact were going to take some money you dont actually owe us! Well just take it!

My little top blew.

Dear Billing Web Team.

No. You will not take 17.99 from my account, because that would be quite a lot like stealing, wouldnt it? Because I cancelled this service almost three months ago. You sent me notice that this service had been discontinued almost two months ago.

Your email said: Virgin Media Account Update
Your Virgin Media service has been removed from 01273 XXXXXX.
· The service ceased on 22-09-2008.

So I have no business with Virgin Media, I do not use your service and I do not owe you any money.

I am no longer your customer, we have discussed this three times already. I now live abroad, and I will not spend more money phoning your call centre and being put on hold yet again while you try and work out the mistakes you have made. You will not send me any more emails, you will remove me from your database, you will cancel your direct debit and you will no longer fraudulently take money from my account – as you have done for two months already. If possible, you will give that money back. That would be lovely. Will you be able to do all that? Or should I just move forward with a complaint against you and your frankly abysmal customer service?

Anna Pickard

I am very grumpy today.
And its not as if its a lot of money, but thats not the point. Its not a lot of MY money, and I Want It. I want it, and specifically, I dont want to give it to people whose service has, since the very beginning, been utter, utter piss – and from whom I no longer receive any goods or services from anyway.

Im now, of course, feeling bad for the poor service centre gonk who has to reply to all the nasty complainny people like me, and hoping mine is not the horriblest letter in the pile.
But seriously, though. Idiots. Fucking idiots.