Yeah, this was clearly the worlds greatest idea. Why dont I just keep a cute little diary of my ten day descent into complete carnage and, quite possibly, mental breakdown?! That would be MARVELLOUS.
Yesterday was pure brilliance; I told myself that I had to get out of the house because I couldnt work without getting led off by packing or cleaning, so I took myself off into London since I had to go to the dentist anyway, and then I was going to sit around and work all day undistracted until dinner. And I totally would have managed it if I hadnt left every shred of notes that I needed to finish my work on the coffee table. Because Im a frigging genius.
Dentist? This is also an act of small-time over-enthusiasm with the organisedness on my part: I went to the dentist and said If you can see a hole, fill it. If theres anything that you can see the might not be a hole but might become one in a couple of years time, fill it. Whatever you think might need doing, do it. Of course, the problem of saying this to a private dentist is that the main thing theyre going to see needs doing is them helping you out by relieving you of some more money. So that was great.
I passed some people talking about football on the stairs as I went into the office. I felt a bit sad because the echoey stairs were so horribly mid-60s British office-building, and the men were so earnest and footballish and THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is how organised I am: Im even scheduling in time to get homesick in advance.
Today I saw my accountant – the best moment of that by far being the one where I had to say I hope you dont mind but Ive brought my boyfriend because if Im here alone I wont understand a word youre saying and get looked at like the financial idiot I really am.
Its true, though. Ive tried to have several conversations with accountants and each time I sit there nodding enthusiastically because I want them to like me, and looking like Im following what theyre saying, but actually thinking about bunnies and rainbows and what to make for dinner.
The irony in this situation was that what was said in the meeting even I should have been able to understand. I didnt, of course.
In terms of jubilatant and exorcismic profile hat-law of 1988, I cannot reasonably imagine how the bunny can make any flipjoy said the accountant.
He says its going to be all the same translated My Beloved.
But whu-wha-hm? Why? And the thing? I enquired.
She wants to know when to file her tax return My Beloved helped.
A feedback noise came from the other side of the room.
He says October with your next VAT thing My beloved explained.
So I stumbled through the half hour, and everything seemed pretty sensible and actually straight-forward, and I was proud of myself and I didnt even cry once, which is usually my response to people trying to talk to me about money, shortly before screaming Oh GOD just take it! Take it ALL just dont TALK anymore! I dont UNDERSTAND! Just bloody TAKE IT! and running off to hide under a duvet, penniless but calmer.
Then of course the accountant rang a few hours later and, with only me on the other end of the phone, said something about how it wasnt all simple after all but very complicated instead and especially this one bit that was so complex hed had to ring the helpline himself and then read a whole book about it all. And now all I had to do was decide whether I thought Id be better off paying tax in the UK or the US so what did I think?
I remember remarking that that was what i had hoped my accountant might tell me, but then it gets all a bit fuzzy and the next thing I remember I was under the duvet, hiding from the world.
Packing continues apace, apart from the fact Ive pretty much run out of things to pack.
Were becoming convinced, however, that if we just shed a little more stuff, all our belongings will fit in half the space, and therefore only need one storage container and thus be full of win as I believe the kids say nowadays. It would be cheaper by half, basically.
Tomorrow leaving drinks for some work friends and some friend-friends. Which will be nice. Although I also have to do all that work I was supposed to finish yesterday but couldnt because I am a dizzy fool with a head full of fluff and wind and weevils right now.
Five days though. Four and a half, really.