Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to

jog at a reasonable pace, interspersed with walking at a strident pace. Apparently. Or thats what The Boss would have said if he was 30 and overweight and on a gym-mission.

Or if he was 90 and old and infirm. Which, lets face it, he probably is.

Anyway. Bruce Springsteen says I need new trainers.

I have been going to the gym regularly for about 18 months. Im going to be going even MORE regularly in the next five or six – and dont worry, you will be hearing about that, like it or not – months, and the problem is this:

Ive kind of had the same trainers the whole time Ive been going to the gym. And theyre not even real trainers.

Theyre pretty fashion Gola trainers. ALL the time I have been going to the gym, those have been my gym shoes.

And thats a while.

And in that time Ive progressed from plodding as slowly as my flab and tar-encrusted lungs would allow me to Walking! to jogging a bit every now and again to walk/run/walk/run and that works for me.

But not for my shoes.

The soles, by now, are about as thin as Ritz biscuits.

And not the kind with the two biscuits with the cheese spread in the middle, just the regular biscuits. In fact, in places theyre thinner. Like Water Biscuits, maybe. Or some other kind of really thin cracker. And what is left is mostly the consistency of the cheese filling if they HAD been Ritz Cheese Sandwiches. You know?

[Im not being paid by them by the way, Im just on a diet, and so fantasising about stupid unattractive foods.]

Im not using the cheese biscuit thing to insinuate that my feet are cheesy, by the way. My feet are in no way cheesy.

God forbid my feet should be like cheese.

Seriously, because I would eat them, if so.

I really like cheese.

Anyway. What I was coming online to ask before I got led off into what may have been an ill-advised not triage. not trident. Whats the word? When you get led off on a itll come to me.

Anyway – does anyone know a particularly good site for buying trainers online in the UK?

And no, dont anyone come at me with that You have to try them on in the shop bollocks

Because lets face it, the only thing more scary than hairdressers are well, actually, the only thing more scary than hairdressers are beauticians. But coming in at .1 below hairdressers? Sports clothing shop assistants. TERRIFYING. Ill go in there and ask for shoes, and theyll just look at me like HA! Whats the POINT, fatso! – so no. No, there will be no real live shops, thank you.

So, online shops where they might sell a comfortable size 7 for a wide foot, and

Oh! I have wide feet, did I say? Too much of a barefoot hippy childhood, Im sure. Anyway. I have wide feet, and

Actually. I have some Adidas I bought a couple of years ago but they were way too tight. BUT Ive lost at least four stone since then. So, you know, do feet lose weight? Might I have lost weight off my feet, so theyll fit perfectly now?

Do you lose weight off your feet?

God! Imagine if you lost ALL the weight off your feet and nowhere else. That would be dreadful! You would have tiny weeny feet, and

Um.

So! Trainer-brilliant Online Shoe Shop Tips?

Imaygotobednow.