Winged thoughts

We were talking about noodles while drifting off to sleep last night. Its stupid, I can make any food I desire now Im working from home, but I still occasionally lust after a particular cold noodle salad from a shop near my old office. Its just noodles, with some sliced raw vegetables, and a sauce which is like just lemon, and a little rice vinegar, which I know sounds like nothing you would want, but I dont care, its what I want. And try as I might, I cannot reproduce it.

So, listening to my beloved breathe deeper, shuffling toward snores, I suddenly had a brilliant idea. I have written it down in my diary, which was by my bed for EXACTLY this kind of occasion – but its just in random words, so I will have to reconstruct the thought process:


You know how theres some service to help you when you hear a piece of music and you really want to know what it is? So, say, youre in a bar or a shop, and theres a piece of music being played, and its driving you crazy because you know what it is, but you cant identify it, so you text this number, and you let it hear a snippet of the song, and it texts you back with what the name of the song and the artist is?

Well, there is such a service, anyway.


I thought you should be able to dip your phone in any food, or just, like smear it on the microphone hole, send it to a particular number and BOOM! Full list of ingredients get texted back to you! Isnt that brilliant? Yes! Its Brilliant!

So the foodstuff or sauce or whatever it might be would be smeared on the business end of the phone – if it was really crispy or crunchy like a Rice Crispie you might have to really smoodge it quite hard into the hole, but whatever – and then it would end up at a tiny little lab

(and here in my diary it says tiny chef monkeys? Spiders?)(And no, no drinking last night)

And they would immediately analyse it with their highly technological machines/sense of taste, and send back a list of ingredients so you could reproduce it – boom!

Of course Colonel Sanders, therefore, would not be keen on this. Once this service was perfected, there would be no such thing as the Colonels Secret Recipe any more, for sure, so hes likely to be behind the slow progress of this kind of technology coming to market.

There are other problems, of course, one of the main ones dating back to the romantic notion of text messages Ive espoused on this site in the past – the idea of them as real, physical tiny things, envelopes with wings, flying from phone to phone, carrying whispered messages and bad grammar. You might need to read the original post at this point to understand that. Sorry.

But that, of course, leads to the problem – if these dainty little messages, white envelopes on white wings, buzzing past our ears on the way to other peoples phones, if THATs something I can imagine then surely the little bits of food carried in the same kind of messages might also be truly airbound. And that might just lead to people getting hit in the face with fast moving bits of salad dressing. And thats not nearly as romantic.

Over all though, even though it might have been a half-conscious idea, even though I might not have the developmental laboratory process OR the tiny spiders in lab coats at my command *right* now, I still believe its an idea that really, honestly could work and should, and will (or will now, probably) be incorporated in the next roll-out of the iPhone. It has wings.


You know, someone referred to me as a technology expert the other week. My, we did laugh.