The sausage bones connected to the rasher bone.

[It was requested that since I havent got time to post the finished things, I post some of the half written things hanging around my desktop and documents folder. Well, you asked for it. Thats all]

Ive been spending a long time with recipe books of late. Not really as cooking aids, more as unadulterated porn, really.

Sitting on the sofa, flicking through the pages of another brightly coloured flickbook of rough hands rubbing breasts with herby butter, proud aspargus tips in rolled in salty parma condoms; gargantuan birds, legs akimbo, waiting to be stuffed good and proper – with the smashed lime, coriander and lemongrass pulp that sits at the forefront of the photo.

Currently poor on time, money, still fruitlessly trying to lose weight (I dont like fruit), and still as shit at actually COOKING as ever, I dont actually make the recipes. But I really like reading the books, and, of course, getting slightly overexcited and dribbling a bit over the photographs.

I dont know why Im thinking about cookery books. No, wait, I do.

I came across a recipe for something that I wouldnt ever make, and it reignited an utterly pointlss conversation that I seem to have on a dishearteningly regular basis.

To whit: wrapping meat in other meat just seems Weird to me. And other concerns.

I like my meat, dont get me wrong. Unashamedly, almost unreservedly, I loves me my meat.

So, you know, chicken wrapped in thinly sliced smoked ham – I can see why you would, flavourwise, but, you know, conceptionally, its just like stuffing a small feathery thing inside a larger – erm – pig thing, and then lumping the whole sorry thing in a hot oven for 18-20 minutes.

I can come to terms with that slightly better than with sausages wrapped in bacon, though. Thats surely nothing so much as a shoddy attempt to rebuild a pig from scratch, isnt it, though? Its like playing god, but kind of method-playing god as a cross between Dustin Hoffman in Rainman, a Blue Peter presenter, and Chewbacca.

– Sorry, the next paragraph was scheduled to appear here, but has been delayed by me getting led off thinking of my devising a feature film updating the classic stories of Frankenstein and Animal Farm, but together, and led by Exactly the character described above. –

In fact, quite apart from wrapping things IN each other, which is by far the most cardinal sin, Id go as far as to say that serving parts of the same animals in the same dish is quite odd.

And putting Chicken and Egg on the same plate is just unthinkable in all manner of ways. Because quite apart from the multi-generational thing – what do you Eat First?