flappy flappy fish-hand

I realise the old Meh, I dont like estate agents schtick is a tried and trusted routine – and take my word, Im not planning on attacking them as a tribe – as a people I respect them as much as I respect every people. But for some reason, the ones I meet seem to be going out of their way to be actively dislikable.

[It was requested that since I havent got time to post the finished things, I post some of the half written things hanging around my desktop and documents folder. Well, you asked for it. Thats all. This ones from my drafts folder since about 17 months ago.]

Perhaps its the extended amount of time theyre forced to spend hanging around in doorways waiting for prey must do something to the disposition. Meaning that even when their quarry turns up On Time, they treat them like someone who is bothering them, rather than someone to whom theyre supposed to be selling something. Dislikable for so many reasons, they really, really are.

And yes, it may be only in little ways, but I hereby call upon you, estate agents of Brighton – representing as you both your people (the Estate People) and the people of the your city – and ask you why. Why?

Why do you turn up to meet a couple, why would you ONLY talk to one half (The Male Half) even when both halves are asking questions and the female half is clearly a bolshy little madam who seems to be making decisions. Why would you think that was going to let you some houses?

Why would you ask a pair of thirty year olds to provide names and addresses and bank details of guarantors even though theyve not been students for several years, and have been financially independent for even longer?

Why would you choose not to wear deodorant?

Why would you receive requests from people who were looking for a two bedroom place next to the station, and arrange to meet them in a one bedroom cupboard near a station IN THE NEXT TOWN?

Why would you think a handshake like an angry plaice fillet was going to make you come across as a win-win personality?

And why in the WORLD would anyone ever think that suit didnt make their gonads look like

[And at that point I clearly got lost for a metaphor and went to bed]