Big Blubber

Sunday nights find me unbearble, as a rule. Always have. Im twitchy, short-tempered and frustrated. Its just an extended version of the symptoms of the viral I-Dont-Want-To-Go-To-Schoolitis that has plagued me all my life.

Tonight I am even worse than usual. Not only did I lose a day of my weekend to some abortive project (NB: Not as in the carrying out of backstreet abortions, I am looking to increase my freelance job things, but I am not looking to become Dame Vera Lynn from that Mike Leigh film a couple of years ago) but also I have a secondary disease, caused by the phases of the moon and pull of the tides. Yes. I am suffering from the periods.

No! Dont go, boys! Im not going to get all TMI-ish about the PMTs, its not going to be all scented swabs and sanitary plugging devices – well, not apart from that bit, which was; Im really just talking about the pre-periods.

Some people get grumpy, short-tempered, unpleasant to be around but not me. Or not any more than usual, anyway. Not so its noticeable.

What is noticeable is the tears. And the food. Weeping and eating. Thats me, pre-blood-letting.

Weep weep weep. Eat eat eat.

I do stop weeping occasionally. But mainly so I can concentrate on eating.

Today I have cried at:

* How nice my eggs benedict had been in the cafe around the corner.
* A moment on a television programme where a couple turned out not to be able to buy the house they quite liked.
* The fact we will never be able to buy a house ever ever ever.
* Burning my toast.
* A jam stain on my whitest vest.
* The fact that my beloved was giggling sneakily every time I burst into tears.
* An advert where someone did something nice for someone else.
* The fact that I want a desk.
* Misery at having run out of things to eat.
* Joy at discovering more carb-laden crapgoodies in the freezer. (I think theyd been there about a month, though how they survived the last time, I have no idea).
* The point in a crime drama when someone had to tell someone else that their husband was dead.
* The fact that my beloved might die one day, and that I was hungry.
* How much I like parma ham.
* Some stupid thing that happened which, when it happened, was fine, but today? BEEEG disaster, suddenly.
* Losing my chewing gum.

And those, folks, are just the highlights.

Oh, and in other news (since this blog is almost 6 years old in the next few days, what better time to mention it), in a somewhat unexpected and borderline-miraculous turn of events, Ive managed to flunk-of-luck my way into quite a nice little lucrative deal where
Sorry, Im managing not to say it once more.

Thing is: Next month Im going freelance. Becoming a full-time writer for a living.
And in many ways, in roundabout or direct ways, its all because of this blog. So thank you. Anyway. thats it. Ill explain more tomorrow.

Oh bother, now Im crying again.