Things to do with a bank holiday weekend involving snot: ask me

In honour of the high-powered mini hell-cold I have been entertaining for the last few days ( I was struck down on Friday and got better again on Sunday. Read into that as you will…) I started making a list right here of all my known diseases (ever) but it was a bit embarassing, as I havent ever had anything good. You know, impressive.

Sniffle. Snuffle. Chest infection. Cold sore x16,000. Snuffle, sinusitis, upset stomach, measles, mumps, headache. Snuffle. High blood pressure, but thats not a disease. I dont think. Cold. Cold. Flu. Hangover. Cold. Depression etc. Period pains.

RUBBISH, frankly.

Hm. Surely to be big and impressive and have a great life which will stand up well in memoirs and CVs and things. I should start making things up. Not now, like, just in general.

Oh, also, completely unrelated to the previous paragraph, I have had scurvy.

And the Clap, but Im alright now. And Tourettes. Thats terribly fashionable.

And, um, into-fractal-cordial-myopapathemia of the upper cranial somnatic earlobe. I have had that. It was terrible.

And all that on top of the dreadful cold I am struggling at the internet-face to talk to you through.*

In your FACE, boring life.

*Possibly the worst sentence in the history of sentences, forgiveness please.

*kof*