I do get quite bored on planes. I love planes, I love flying, I even love the concept of aeroplane meals (though that generally wears off quite quickly) – and yes, I know it sounds like I have scant regard for my carbon emmissions, but thats between me and the duvet. Oh, sorry, we werent talking about farting. I mean, I love farting as well, obv, but were not talking about that right now. Anyway.
Ever since I got a camera, time passes faster. Or at least more productively, in that I produce an AWFUL lot of very dull photographs of the inside of planes/plane windows/plane food/sick bags etc.
On my recent trip to Morocco, I was very blessed indeed. Not only was the inflight magazine terrible, and there are stll several pages of it stuffed in the back of my diary, waiting to be transcribed, but the air safety cards were just, you know, a bit special.
Though the copyright notice claimed the date of the cards introduction as the late nineties, but the brown flares and bubble perms of the illustrated figures said something slightly different.
So, over a period of several flights, I started taking pictures of the air safety cards. To a) stem the boredom and b) because by this stage I was deeply in love with them. There are unsubstantiated rumours that I may have stolen one of them, but since that would be a dreadful, awful thing to do, I think we can all assume I almost certainly wouldnt have done such a thing. Whatever, it is evident that I became a bit obsessive about them.
You can find some more of them in my dedicated bored on planes photoset, but then again, Ill doubtless be hauling a few of the funnier ones up at some point anyway, and wait, wait, I havent got to my point yet, so stay here.
My point is, I think this is quite my favourite.
Anyone who has been on a plane any time in the last six years, or, in fact, read any news stories about increased in-flight security over the last half-dozen years, may well be able to spot the rather glaring problem with this escape plan:
Yes, thats right, in order to free the life-raft from the plane (which will, of course, surely sink quite quickly, dragging everything attached to it – by, say, rope – down to a watery grave) in order to free the life-raft, you have to CUT IT LOOSE, with the help of your handy neighbourhood MACHETE.
Now, given a situation where even in first class youre probably expected to eat your steak with a blunt spork and the only thing youre allowed in your luggage is cuddly toys, Im just not entirely sure how theyre planning for us all to carry our multipurpose machetes onboard
Or maybe theyre in a break-glass panel by the door.
Yes, that sounds most likely.
Im having a few days utterly off. Can I just mention for the record that days off kick arse?
They do. That is all. Thank you.