Oh.

Is there ennything else, whall youre hirr?

Not really. Well, Ive hurt my foot, but I can tell you about it when weve finished this

Tell me abaat it naa. I can do two things et once. Ahm Clivver.

It is the first thing Monday morning.

My doctor, a plain-spoken South African woman who I like very much, is pumping up an inflatable armband on my arm, in case I want to go swimming, and then letting it down again, slowly, in case I would prefer to drown.

Its nothing really. I fell off my heels on Friday and its pretty painful he Oh, sorry, hang on, its a bit hard taking this shoe off Ugh Ow Right, there we go. It was very swollen here, but its actually painful under he

Youve torn the ligament. Its a weight-berring joint, thet. Its going to hurt like hill.

What? Youve barely examined it! You havent even touched it!

I immediately wish I havent said that, as she pokes it. Hard.

There. Can yfeel thet?

OW!

Well there yare. Ah toltyu. I could see frumere.
Ycan see where that bit is sticking aht?

She pokes it, in case I didnt, and takes the resulting whimper as confirmation that indeed I can see where the aforementioned thing is, but that the poking is very much helping me to understand and she is free to carry on at leisure, thank you.

I try and alter my whimpering to convey something else, and, apparently, fail.

Thets the ligament. Raat there. Thets where it shouldnt be, but thets where tis. Done this maself I dunt kna ha many times. Itll tek six ta eight weeks ta heal.

Is there anything I can do?

You ken be in pain for six ta eight weeks?

Is there enything else I ken do?

Oh god, hang on, Ive started to pick up her accent. Always a sign of panic.

Is there anything else I can do?

Na.

Oh.

A thought strikes. I attack it, hopefully.

Should I put it up for another couple of days? Im supposed to be going to work in a second – would it be better to rest my foot, perhaps?

Nah, whats the point, its still gunta hurt fsix ta eight weeks anyway

Brilliant. Thanks.

_____________________________

So thats it. There was I saying Oh, its just a bad bruise and it is. Well, partly. Its just badly bruised because Ive managed to tear bits of my body away from where theyre supposed to quite properly and usually reside.

And all because of the heels I bought for my Important Meeting a couple of weeks ago and my stubbornness about wearing them for other, normal, perhaps a bit drunken things like a normal grown-up girl.

Bother.

So there yaar. Na Heels.
Tek inti-inflammatories.
Be in Pain f six ta eight weeks.
Thenks. Havvanarsedaynaa.

Thanks. You too.