Were going on a lion hunt

Part 1

For the benefit of posterity (or blogging, whichever should come first) I was very careful to make a list of all the animals we saw on safari while in Kenya.

It was a short safari – as short as a safari could possibly be, in fact, comprising of one night in a safari lodge, some pootling about in a very large national game park thing, and about eleven hours bumping along the worst roads to possibly ever bear the word ‘road’.
Or, in fact, the word ‘worst’.

It was fun. Apart from that bit where two of the people in our 6-person minivan decided to eat the boiled eggs their motherbastard hotel had packed for brunch. Why would anyone do that in a confined space? Why would anyone GIVE that to people they knew were going to be IN a confined space.? Bastards. Motherbastards.

Anyway, apart from that bit, it was fun. And the bit where the minivan fell over in a ditch. Apart from those two bits, it was fun.

Picked up far before dawn amid the chirruping of the Chirrupy-Bug (East African Variant) we bombled along the bumpy road that led from our hotel to where the eral road started, or at least started until it stopped again, in an amusingly catastophic type of way.

We drove in and out of posh hotels along the strip near to ours, and picked up couples on their way to bigger, more expensive and impressive safari trips. Everyone seemed to be on honeymoon or wedding anniversary trips. The couple who stumbled out of the hotel twenty minutes late, the get-a-room pair and an older married couple, one cigarette each away from a voicebox.

Each time one of them asked us why we’d come, we just squeezed each other’s hand and said ‘Oh no reason, really…’, liking the seeming-decadence of the answer, given without having to go into the whole ‘Yeah, saved up all year… stressed … sun … Seasonal Affective Thingy Shit … depression … ’ answer, because it never sounded quite so sexy or impressive.

And anyway, it was no reason. We were there for lots of reasons and for none. Just to be together. Just as I would remember, that night, as we stood on a verandah outside a Safari lodge in the middle of nowhere and prepared to say very romantic things to one another. Oh stop making those gurning noises, it’s not becoming.

And so. So, we drove on, into the Mombasa rush hour, making careful note all the way (in between the very British smalltalk) of Every Single Animal We Saw.

[To be continued. Tomorrow, I think]