A Boating Holiday: Salvadore Vincent

Salvadore Vincent writes for a living, but also at Smaller Than Life, well never know. He has an unhealthy fascination with bathmats.

Tell me about your childhood (15 words or less, we dont have all day)

Very deprived. Nothing bad happened that I can blame the rest of my life on.

Alright, so if eating loudly on public transport isnt the cardinal sin against society, humanity and moral decency that I claim, what IS the worst?

Spelling all right as one word. For fucks sake, woman, I thought that you worked for a national newspaper. Please dont give me any crap about Joyce spelling it that way – he made up half his words. Whilst Im being pedantic, your previous question should have read 15 words or fewer.

Aliens have landed. What do you show them first? (Please take your penis as a given answer, and move onto the next thing) why that, and how do you explain it to them?

I would show them a war memorial, or a stuffed dodo, or the melting polar ice caps then tell them to leave well alone. No, fuck it, I would show them a dog dressed in clothes. I would not explain it to them, but if they laugh then they are OK and can stay. We can sort the other stuff out, but laughing at anthropomorphised animals is a deal-breaker.

Shadow animals made with animals. Can you make them, whats the point, dont you think theyre a bit rubbish and please provide a step by step instruction (no pictures allowed)

Shadow animals made with animals? Er, take one animal and one non-diffuse light source, and voilà: one shadow animal. Do you possibly mean shadow animals made with hands? In which case I can do a very good five-spined porcupine.

Have you ever grown a moustache? If so, where?

Yes, as part of a beard. I grew it mainly in London. Other places that I have grown a moustache (as part of a beard) are Coventry and Ohio.

We all have our eccentricitries. I like matching things. And correctly stacked things. And cant handle labels sticking out of clothes. Hell, everyone knows mine. Please tell us all about yours. In horrific detail.

The red tea towel is for dishes. The green one is for hands. (Yes, I know that there is a d in hands, but my lodger and my girlfriend have both coped.) The red one hangs on the left and the green one on the right, like port and starboard on a ship.

What are your five favourite blogs that ARENT littleredboat.co.uk?

JonnyB and Unlucky Man have had some great guest bloggers in the past.

Actually, before we all get excited about how our new form of media is taking over, I did get an email from a friend the other day informing me that apparently there are these new things called blobs.

· read more of Salvadore at Smaller Than Life