Sicks sells

You must excuse my relative quietingness, I had a sudden bout of The Sicks, but they have stopped now. I was sicking dreadfully for a night and a day, but then I stopped sicking, and I no longer have the sicks. I did then get a case of The Sleeps, but that too has worn off, and now everything is well. Or weller-than-sick.

Yesterday was mainly spent under an enormous duvet, lying on the sofa, making small sorry noises and pretending that watching shopping channels really is a medically proven cure for any Ill.

I dont know why I find them quite so comforting, but when too restless to write and too wretched to read, theres nothing that calms me quite like QVC. The soft lilting tone of the voices, the sunset glow of the orange makeup, the boundless enthusiasm for utter rubbish that restores your faith in the power of the human spirit. I can lie here for hours, sated by selling; drinking in the detergents, the steam cleaners, the luxury egypto-cotton duvet and curtain sets, the stretch2fit fleece nightshirts with Native American wolf design.

I think its the fact that they try to wish their products into your life by sweet-talking you and your wallet into submission.

Its gorgeous, isnt it?

Yes, yes, its Lovely, just so special

Special, and also gorgeous, yes, Amber.

And you know what I find the most special about it? Its the Uniqueness. Its a special uniqueness, Garry

Yes, and you wont find another one like it, either.

And softly, their happy blandness smothers me into submission, and I nap off to Sicky-sleep thinking that everything, Everything is ok.

Buy something? No of course not, its fucking tat.

I used to like the incredible-falling-auction channels, but they have of late become a big swizz. That, however, is a matter for another day.

Today, I have abandoned Amber and Garry for a 4-disc Looney Tunes collection.

In front of which, I recuperate, miserably.