******* ****!!!

For reasons I havent decided whether to mention or not, your friendly local Pickarderie may in some areas, be decreed worthy of carrying, apparently, a health warning.

See – personally (as people may long have noticed) I have no problem with swearing. Whatsofuckingever.

There are many things in the world I do have a problem with, but theyre to do with attitude, arrogance, small-mindedness, aggression. And nothing to do with words; which, beautiful or ugly – in literal meaning or in sound – are things to be celebrated.

Still. All outlets must play to their community. And just as I pander to mine by not making some of the more off-colour jokes I make in real life, not talking about politics overly much, or other things that dont sit well on this portal – just as I pander to my community so others, like, for example, the BBC or something, must play to theirs. By, perhaps, giving warnings of strong language and inappopriate content. For example. Or

Warning: Sexually derivative words, blasphemous curses and aggresive use of Anglo-Saxon may harm your

Harm your what, precisely?

Your sensibilities? Will you, flustered and confused, feel unable to cope, having heard letters collected into an order that forms the phrase-objectionable?

Does it hurt your ears? Physically? Does the hard c of cunty tap against your eardrum like a nail against a window? Does the soft f on fucktard twist around your ear hair, pulling each out, individually, until you scream and beg (using no swearwords in the begging of course) for mercy?

I love words. I love the way you can twist them and turn them; that hard, formal words can become sexual or poetic; that ridiculously inappropriate words can be slipped into the most corseted context without arousing suspicion if, carefully, theyre slipped in subtly, in context, in the right tone of voice.

And I apologise to anyone who ever has been, or ever will be offended by my use of bad language, or strong language or inappropriate language – though those terms are despicable in themselves.

There is no bad language. I mean, there are bad apostrophes, but there is no such thing as bad language, is there? How can you quantify a word, and if you can, then surely the existence of ones so multifunctional as fuck are good things, not bad. Its good, its bad, its loving, its sexy, it kids, it teases, prods, pokes and enrages, it expresses frustration and excitement, shock and arousal, anger and, oh, all sorts of things. And, for me, its the great quantifier. Fucking funny. Thats one of my favourite phrases, and highest compliments. The other things were ok. But that? That was Fucking Funny.

Strong language? Why, I find the word tumbling to be a strong word. Its the mixture of hard constanants and the letter u that make me feel as if Im shouting, even when its whispered.

Inappropriate language is just a term roundly and randomly wank. What does it mean? Inappropriate to what? To whom? To me? To my context? how can it be? With swearwords being the most pliable and adaptable words alive, the attraction is that they fit anywhere. Everywhere. Theyre ALWAYS appropriate, because they always fit. They are, at end of day, merely words – not a punch in the face, not the loss of cherished thing, not a elbow in the googlangs or a kick in the minge. Theyre words.

Whether they make sense is a different issue – but I say, if youre using fuck as fucking fucked fucky fuckable fucksake upfucked fucktard fuckfaced, cunt as cunted cunty etc, and bugger, bollocks, hell, jesus, piss, cock, bastard, wank, shit, twat, and a hundred other words that I delight in, dance upon and wrap timid words around because I find the whole process of turning words amuses me, then the question of sense is moot.

Whether all this is because I have an excessively limited vocabulary, I dont know.

So apologies again, if anyone to read this far has been or will ever be offended by some of the more colourful in this flock of words. I do not mean to offend.

I honestly do not find these words offensive, thats the problem here.

I simply do not think of words as aggressive, pointy weapons. Aggression offends me – but there is no aggression here. Merely celebration. So I am; Im sorry if there are many people who find the words I choose to use deserving of a warning, and before you block them against me, I personally apologise to your tender drums.

Yes, of course language can be offensive. In my life Ive found the words Pass the salt offensive, the words good bye offensive. Ive found the word dinner dismisive, the word fine deeply upsetting and the word vegetables has unexpectedly thrown me into depression that lasted a matter of weeks.

Similarly Ive found the word fuck! hilarious. Ive found the word cunt immensely tounching. And twat charming. All of these, good and bad, on various occasions, where on others theyve meant the direct opposite. Because they are collections of letters that are formed into words that mean nothing by themselves, and everything when placed together with the intention behind them.

While intention behind words may be offensive, and destructive, and upsetting – the words themselves are well words.

And thats it. Really.

So to sum up:
I dont find swearing offensive.
So fuck off.

No, I am, of course, kidding.

To actually sum up:
Not only do I not find swearwords in themselves offensive (ie the words themselves, regardless of context etc), Im not entirely sure how, or why, other people seem to.

Could you tell me? Do you find words offensive?