In the middle of the town, I was standing in line for the cash machine.

It was a beautifully sunny day, and people were strolling around, happily. In the street in front of four bars, people sat and talked, and laughed.

By the bank, he stood. In his beatific beard, he stood there. Beatific beard and solemn stary eyes, with his hands clasped tightly behind his back, he stood, and waited, managing to look both smug and grumpy simultaneously.

This was the worst soapbox preaching technique I think Ive ever seen. The silent evangelist.

Hed brought his own easel, of course (of course!). And on it was written the words:


And strangely, no one did. Not one person. I was standing there for a good ten minutes, and in that time, weirdly, not one person walked up to the silent man and

I was tempted, of course.

I was tempted to ask; I was curious as to his technique.

Did he just look you up and down and say Oh hell, definitely?

Or did he ask you a few questions first?

Or was his trick just to say hell to everyone until someone punched him, at which point he could say You SEE?! and feel smug and go home.

Or, as I suspect, was he planning just to say to everyone Hell, all of you, all of you happy people, unlike me, Im going to heaven, so there. And then someone would probably punch him.

Im thinking of getting my own sign, and going out on the streets, see if I cant fare any better. Probably not heaven or hell though. No, I want to be more actively useful to people.

Have you got good hair? Or BAD hair? ASK ME!

I will be known as the silent hairvangelist. The silent hairvangelist with the two black eyes, probably.