Transcript

[Sorry, as previously mentioned, I had rather a horrid day yesterday. I got a train 200 miles in the wrong direction, realised, got off it, wished Id brought a phrasebook, tried to speak to the people who had booked all my travel, at which point my phone died, I got a train back the way I was supposed to be going, which sat in a siding for half an hour giving me two minutes to change to the other train I could have got, which was about 2000m run through Romes main station on a hot day at rush hour in inappropriate shoes, losing my ticket, buying another, followed by half an hour sweating on a windowless train, and then finding Id missed my flight anyway.

God bless British Airways – they got me on the next one. I keees them. Anyway. All I had to occupy myself with on the train was writing, either in my head or on the pooter. Some things were worky – but for many hours I was just writing in my head for fun. So you dont have to read these, I just wanted to stick them up somewhere because they amused me no end. You could say I was experimenting with the narrative form – but that would be bollocks. I was just trying to keep myself busy so I didnt panic-vomit or cry.]

You are at a railway station.

>Inventory
You have:
A suitcase (heavy)
A ticket
A passport
Sunburn
4000 tourist information leaflets

>Look
You are at a picturesque railway station in the middle of the countryside. There are train tracks here, leading away to your left, and to your right. There is a ticket validation machine here. There is an old lady here. There is a clock here. To your right, there are two platforms.

>Ask old lady about ticket validation machine
Im sorry, the old lady doesnt seem to understand what you mean by ticket validation machine, She mumbles in Italian.

>Ask ticket validation machine about old lady
The ticket validation machine cannot talk!

> Look at ticket validation machine
There is writing on it, though it seems to be in some kind of code. Or Italian.

>Put ticket into ticket validation machine
You have validated your ticket!

The old lady mumbles incoherently, although almost certainly in Italian. You unfortunately cannot speak Italian, and have no phrasebook.

>L
What do you want to look at?

>L at departure board
There is no departure board here.

>L at departure screen
There is no departure screen here.

>L at timetable
There is no timetable here.

To your left, a bell attached to the station building begins to ring. The old lady mumbles. In Italian.

>Listen
(to bell)
You listen to the bell for a while, it has a pleasing if somewhat urgent tone.

>Listen to announcement
There is no announcement here.

>Remember
What do you want to remember?

>Remember conversation with hotel bloke
You cast your mind back only a matter of hours.
A bloke in the hotel in charge of these kinds of things hands you two tickets for trains. This one he says, is for the train to Rome, which you catch from the village at 12.16 Then he holds up a second ticket – Then at Rome Termini, you need to change to the airport express, and this is your ticket for that. Then youll be well in time for your plane.

You remember putting the tickets in a safe place, and noting the way of things: Train at 12.16 from village. Change at Rome Termini. Train to Airport. Plane.

>Look at clock
It is 12.15.

In the distance, you hear a train approaching.
Suddenly, an announcement starts playing through some previously un-noticed speakers.

>Listen to announcement
The announcement is in Italian.

It appears to be announcing the immient arrival of some form of train, but even this translation is mainly conjecture based on preious experience, as unfortunately you continue not to be able to speak Italian.

>L
You are at a railway station. There is a train coming.

>Get on
(train)
You get on the train. It is a nice train, very clean. There is a cute baby here (with parents). There are windows here. Italy is outside.

Time passes.
You fall asleep.

>L out of windows.
You are asleep.

You start to drool a little. Chic Italian women look at you disparagingly.
You doze happily, regardless, dreaming of sunny days in hilltop towns drinking wine and eating bruscetta.

Time passes

[And then the next bit of the story was written as a Choose your own Adventure book. So I just have to work out how to do that technically now, and then I can post it]