The other morning I was up early – it was Monday, I had to get to the airport (not that the two follow each other logically as night, day etc, just happened to be the case this week), so I was awake and watching the breakfast news.
It was a slow news day, Monday. The only thing that seemed to be happening at all was the fact that, there being a water shortage in the South of England, a hosepipe ban had come into operation – just because it was the first Monday in April, or something.
However, listening to the news anchor and reporters of Monday mornings news, you would have thought that there was an oxygen shortage, or a gravity shortage, or a matching sock shortage or something.
All over Britain, hundreds of thousands of people are waking up this morning to a HOSEPIPE BAN
They intoned, dramatically. I was trying to imagine the poor people of Britain, waking up and discovering the horrible truth. Oh my GOD! a HOSEPIPE BAN? How will I brush my TEETH?
And then they kept saying
and all over Britain, people will be asking the obvious question. If there is planty of water in the North of England, but none in the South, why not just fill up trucks and bring the water down?
Um. Why not? Perhaps because that is a stupid idea?
Anyway, who was asking that question? Was anyone asking that apart from a couple of dozen news-room todgers with nothing else to fill their rolling Monday news with asking that question?
Cant hang around writing. I have to go and wash the dishes. Without the benefit of my hosepipe, Im finding it takes a whole lot longer. If only wed prepared properly for this by stealing the reservoirs of those clueless rustics oop north. Let them drink cake etc.