No good at April Fools Day

Every single year I try and do something April Foolish. Every single year I fail, because a) Im not very good at thinking of practical jokes and b) executing a practical joke involves lying to people, which I cant do without feeling incredibly bad, and incredibly guilty, and only manage to keep it up for a matter of minutes before I collapse in a pile of apologies and/or cry.

Last year, in the middle of having a few days off, I emailed my friends and closest colleagues and told them Id nipped off to get married because I was up the duff with triplets and my parents had threatened to disown me if I had one child, let alone three, out of wedlock.

And then I felt terrible. Because they were all really happy and excited. And then I had to say it was an attempt at April Foolificating them. And then they were all sad, and disappointed, because they all wanted me to be happy and get suddenly wed and pop out large numbers of bubbies, but I had lied to them. I was sad too, and disappointed, and felt awful.

So there will be no April Fooling around these parts, Im afraid. There was a plan, but I didnt have time, and it wasnt very good anyway.

Also, I used to be a man.

No, thats not true. Sorry. I did tell you I was rubbish at this.