Five and a half (for meg and raf)

I don’t generally get tagged by meme things, and don’t generally do them if I do, because I am forgetful and tend to write about other things. Like cheese, or lions, or punching myself in the chin (see below).

But this week, two people have tagged me with these things, so I thought for once I would do the dance of the meem.

Problem is, my darling meg did one where you had to answer lots of questions about various things to do with the number 4, which is a random sort of number, and dear Raf seemed to think I would like to write about 7 things involving the number 7.

I would feel bad doing neither, but I’m certainly not doing both, because a) I don’t have time, and b) it’s a bit silly, and c) to be honest, I am rubbish at them. Really, really bad at them. Also d) I don’t know why anyone would want to know these factual flibbertygibberties about little old me.

So I think I will have to combine the two, this four questions and seven questions thing, if that is ok, in order to get this over and done with, for all concerned. You will thank me, my darlings, I promise:

The five and a half things meem

All questions constructed by combining, in some way, shape or form, those of my two taggers.

Five and a half movies I’ve loved that I can watch over and over

1) His Girl Friday.

2) Last Night. And it makes me cry every time. As does Truly Madly Deeply, although in a different way. Sorry, I’m not actually mentioning that second movie, you understand, because that would throw all the numbers out.

3) Pretty in Pink (although not for 10 years or more)

4) The Big Lebowski

5) Sideways. The only film I’ve been sent by the DVD rental service and watched three times before sending it back and buying it immediately.

and a half) Weekend at Bernies, Dave, Groundhog Day, I have watched these movies possibly more than 400,000 times, put together. But two of them are a bit flimsy, aren’t they? So they don’t count anywhere near a whole movie – more like 1/8 of a Coen Brothers, I think. And I only generally watch half of Groundhog Day because I truly believe Andi MacDowell to be as fall-in-loveable-with as Gonorrhoea.

Five and a half things I cannot do in up to 7 jobs that exist in something between 4 and 7 television programmes that I love

I cannot Walk really fast and talk at the same time like the political staff and aides in the West Wing without getting out of puff or tripping over my own feet.

I cannot diagnose complex diseases like a Diagnostician, for example House. I could probably take a fair stab at it, having watched a lot of episodes of House, but it is a fair bet that I would get it wrong.

I cannot countenance the idea of looking at dead and mangled bodies every day without being violently sick, or pull bits of evidence or bugs out of oozing wounds like the CSIs or Policepeople in any of the various CSI branded shows do.

I cannot imagine living in the same house as a lot of my family due to my inherited position as a Property Developer like in Arrested Development.

Nor can I travel through time like a Timelord

Seven things I say (too much) about four of my favourite dishes

No, I said I want pizza.
God, I love sausages.
What do you mean yoghurt doesn’t go with this?
I want pizza.
Are the sausages done yet?
I think there’s some brocolli in the freezer.
Are you going to eat that sausage? Can I have your sausage? I love sausages.

5 and a half books I’ve read (4 of which I’ve loved) in 7 places that I’ve lived.

ay) I’ve read Fever Pitch in New Mills, Manchester and the Inner Hebrides
bee) The Double, by Jose Saramago in Sri Lanka. I may not strictly have lived in Sri Lanka, to be fair.
cee) Breakfast of Champions, read in New Mills and London
dee) Mr Meebles, the best and most metaphysical children’s book in the world ever. London, Manchester, Davis (California).
ee) The Best Of Dave Barry. Pretty much everywhere. It helps put me to sleep.
ehh…) Tristram Shandy remains half read in the Inner Hebrides and My present flat.

Five and a half places I would like to vacation go on holiday before I die

1: A private island. A hot one. Although not one with monsters and ‘other’ on it. Or ‘others’ for that matter. A private island, white beaches, hut on stilts. Sometime before they all disappear with all that global warming yadda.
2: New Zealand. It looks pretty. Maybe I could live there. Although, to be fair, I have no useful skills. Or mad skillz. So they might not want me.
3: Australia, while I’m down there.
4: The Antarctic. A cruise. With a camera. Around icebergs. Sometime before it all disappears with all that global warming yadda. Yay!
5: Moscow. In the snow. I want to go and visit all the dead literary, literally dead Ruskies.
and a half: The moon. Or rather, I’d like to go on a anti-gravity flight thing. So that’s a half, right?

4 ways of saying 7 things that attract me to 5 and a half sites I visit daily

I like people who write extremely well, and are funny, and clever, and tell stories. That’s why I visit JonnyB and Petite first thing in the morning. It’s the writing that counts in blogging, for me.

Email and comments and stats. My comments get emailed to me, but I’ve always been a stats neurotic. So I visit Gmail first thing in the morning and compulsively keep it in my Firefox tabs, watching to see if it refreshes with new exciting mail/comments every few minutes. And Extreme Tracking. Yes, yes, I know. But it’s the system I’ve always had, and have never seen reason to replace with that siteymetey thing.

Here’s your half – I have a nasty habit of reading blogs that I hate. And I hate myself for doing it. I read them because I find the people repulsive or the writing abysmal. I know it’s bad. And I know I’m simply inviting bad karma. But I di it. And I visit them every day – and quickly, I feel bad, and run away, always without leaving a comment, that would be rude. I call that half a website. Sorry – I’m one of those people I hate.

I spend a lot of time looking at the Guardian Unlimited sites every day. Not only is the news quick, the comment incisive and the writing incredible, but I also work there, and have to say that.
Five and a half meems I have done, although admittedly I may have done them really quite spectacularly shittily indeed

1) That one about food, once.

2) The “Name here needs” meem.

3) My “desk” and the contents of my bag meeeeeems, on flickr

4) I started a blog, some time ago, which is probably some kind of meem that I contracted from somewhere, I think.

5) I sent Misty a picture of my favourite drinking vessel, really fucking randomly enough. It’s like a competitionny thing. The woman’s offering prizes, I think. (Apologies to all concerned if not).

and a half) I have kind of half done the seven things meem and kind of half done the four things meem, though I really haven’t done any of them at all, on the basis that if I wanted to let you know the answers to these questions, i would write about it. I think.

None. No people.

This “five and a half/four/seven/conglomorate” thing is a pain in the arse and you’d be an shiny-arsed idiot to attempt it.

Although if my beloved, my brother-in-law or, basically, any of the dear sweet people I know/anyone out there who deperately wants to do some stupid meem wanted to attempt either this bastard, the 4 things or the 7 things meem, I’d be happy to say that I made them do it. Do it.

[Can I stop meeming now, please? It’s a very complicated thing to do and I don’t think I am very good at it] [sorry]