about the house returns

Part II: with the help of her beautiful assistant, explains the mysteries of duvet changing
You see, it’s all to do with starting the whole process inside out. With a thrust of each fist, and being careful to avoid any button-on-hair drama, the key is manouvring both right and left hands into optimum corner clutching position, on the inside of the duvet cover, which is (of course) the outside of the duvet cover, inside, because the inside is inside out. As is the outside, in.

I tell you what. With the (relative) co-operation of someone who happened to have a duvet cover on their head when I picked up the camera my beloved assistant in domestic affairs, and all other affairs for that matter, we have constructed the easy step-by-step guide the duvet changing, complete with helpful captions and everything. Click here, or on the seductive example picture below, which originally appears in the ‘try to find the corners’ section. It was quite a long section.


Sorry, I promise I’ll talk about arguments tomorrow or something. I just didn’t realise that asking people what I should write about was going to involve maths in the working out of what they said… I hate maths. Maths is all bad. All bad. Not like men with duvets on their heads. They’re all good. Unless, you know, they’re wearing it as some kind of bank robbing or bombing outfit, in which case they’re possibly quite bad.

But if they’re not in a bank, or on a tube train or anything, and have a duvet over their head – if they’re just standing in your bedroom, then they’re probably alright. Unless, of course, you don’t know them. But then, how would you know?..

Oh, just go and look at the handy cut out and keep guide to duvetcover-ing. DO NOT cut out your computer screen. You CAN keep it, though.