Like she’s just stepped out of a salon

If I always phoned up and asked for the crazy japanese guy, I wouldn’t mind. Had it only ever happened once, I would consider it a fringe issue, and ignore it. If it had just happened at one salon, I could brush over it. But since in the last four salons I’ve been to, I’ve been met at the door and hacked in the chair by a Japanese loony, it’s a little more than coincidence, I think.

Today’s guy – Danny – was a little less crazy than the norm. He was just a little more angry than the others. I think he’d had a long and very busy day. I think that mainly because that was what he said, in a grumpy way, as soon as he got me in the chair.

‘Wha you wan?’

‘I want something different. And a fringe, I think. And I’d really like to take a lot of the length of. I bored with it.’

‘Yes. Bored. Well… Is natural. How sho?’

‘Shorter. I don’t know. I’ll trust you.’

‘Ok, so I’ll cut it long and sho, long and sho, all over the place, some up some down more trendy, not all same length, little crazy, very now. Long and sho. And the fringggggggge, slope over the eyes, over the face, cut this face shape in half, yes, long, shot, slopy fringe Trendy.’

‘Um. OK.’

‘What, you think you won’t like?’

‘No, I mean, yes, it sounds great. One question. When I wake up in the morning, will I be able just to get up and go out without much hassle?’

‘No. Course not. You will need to make effort. You can’t just get up. Course not. What kind of haircut does that? No good haircut. But if that what you want, you can have that… If you waaaaaaaaaan….’

‘Nononono, you’re right, whatever you want to do, do. I trust you. Just shorter. Like, above the shoulder’

‘Ok! How you like it so far?’

‘Could it be shorter’


‘um. Just, maybe, a little above the shoulders.’

‘That’s another 3 inch. ‘


‘Well, if you think that what you wan’… then okaaaay…’

‘And the fringe.’

‘FRINGE?! You wan FRINGE?’


All I want is to walk into a salon and say ‘make me look great’ and have them do it immediately. Why is that not possible? I mean I HATE hairdressers. I hate them, I hate the way they ask “hmmm.. Did you Dye this yerself?….”, I hate the talking about nothing, and the fact that they stand there looking thin, and blonde, and perfect while you sit, bedraggled and vulnerable as you let them…

Oooh, taxi’s here…