Anything you can regret, I

Anything you can regret, I can regret morer

Theres a lovely new column in the Guardian today (oh, hang on, yesterday) by Katherine Whitehorn;

Things I wish Id known at 20.

Problem is that this seems hard to adapt to this site, seeing as this other fine writer is in her sixties, a marvellous age at which to look back on your past regrets and wishes, and Im twenty-five.

Which is probably a little too close.

To twenty. Its too close to twenty.

Not, though, to other ages.

Things I wish Id known at 6

  • I wish Id known that my choices werent restricted just to what I had at that moment. I wish Id known, for example, that I wouldnt resign myself to eternal friendlessness by refusing to give up my new roller-skating Sindy to the class bully.
  • I wish Id known that green tartan didnt suit me.
  • Or that haircut.
  • I wish Id known that it was not only big, but also clever, to flash my knickers at the boys. That they liked it, and that it would, later on, become par for the course.
  • I wish Id known Kung Fu. Rather than just pretending I did and waving my arms and feet around vaguely going Hawaaaaaaaaaah
  • I wish Id known that I didnt have to pretend to like the care bears.
  • I wish Id known that inanimate objects would be more constant than pets, and fixed easier.
  • I wish Id known that pouting and fluttering eyelashes is, contrary to educational instruction, a proper and grown up way of dealing with situations of professional conflict. If youre a girl. Apparently.
  • I wish Id known that people didnt always fight.
  • I wish Id known that I could, truly be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up. Even a magical princess. Still hoping
  • I wish Id known that I really didnt have to eat everything on my plate before leaving the table (chances are that the starving children in China never found out anyway)
  • I wish Id known how nuclear physics worked. And chess. And I wish Id known how to write a piano sonata.Because I would have been six, and that would have been fucking cool.
    I could have taken over the world.Fuck it. I wish Id known how to drive. A big plane. To the moon.

    Thats the good thing about going back and regretting things you didnt know at the time
    No boundries.

    I wish Id known how to turn into a monkey, at a moments notice.
    I wish Id known how to change my hair colour by holding my breath.
    I wish Id known how to make things fly. Not planes. Other things. Like bananas. Apart from, yknow, throwing them, which I, erm, know now.
    I wish Id known what I was going to say next.
    I really wish I knew the punchline to this post.