fluffy!
sqwaaaaak!
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Ten days in the life of London

Sunday
“Well, this is interesting, it looks like we’re in for a cold snap sometime over the next week… If you look on the satellite map here, you can see that weather front currently over the US, and we expect that it…

Monday
“We’ll be going over to Cooking with Cassie in just a few minutes, but first a home video from a viewer who’s just come back from her hols in America, where they’re having a right old time of it…. hahahaha, look at people falling over in the snow! I shouldn’t laugh, we’ll be getting that next week…”

Tuesday
“And we’re still on target for a very cold time next week…”

Wednesday
“Well, it looks like that cold snap is certainly coming our way…”

Thursday
“What are we wearing this week?
Woolies, woolies and more woolies! Why?
Because, if you haven’t heard – boy, it’s going to snow next week…
So come on girls, get them bobble hats out…”

Friday
“…and remember, if you’re going anywhere for the weekend, make provisions just in case that weather front comes in early. Now over to our regional newsrooms…”

Saturday
“…Cold? Tell me abaaat’it! Cold as a badgers bollocks, as my auld mum would say. Is Gonna fuckin snow next week an all, fucking Tony Blair…Just on the left ere, is it? That’s seven quid, mate…”

Sunday
“…Sweeping down from the arctic, as you can see, and should be hitting the North of the Country on tuesday, and London, certainly on…

Monday
“…Wednesday. So remember to be prepared, because that snow is definitely going to be hitting us on Wednesday.”

Tuesday
“As the rest of the country freezes up, the capital braces itself for what could be the coldest few days in decades. This is John Rubbish, reporting for London Tonight…”
“Forecast: London and the south east, for wednesday January 28;
High 4C, Low 1C, sunny, with snow showers becoming heavier later…”

Wednesday
“OH MY GOD! What is this stuff? It’s wierd! What is it? Should I eat it?”

“The next bus is in…2mins…correction….6mins….correction….12mins….correction…”

“I’ve just fallen over! What the hell is going on! I don’t usually fall over! I’m OUTRAGED.”

“All trains are delayed…”

“Oh look, Jim, it’s snowing! That’s a turn up for the books, perhaps we should get out those road gritting machines of ours…”

“….subject to cancellation…”

“SHIT! Weather! What shall we do?! Get the plan! Oh No! Our plan book covers plan a, plan b and plan c – three different types of drizzle”

“…due to unforseen weather circumstances…”

Stupid fucking country.

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Incidentally

No weblog today.
Too busy.
dead scientist.

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11.18am

Snow stops.

That was rubbish.

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11.15am

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

SNOW!

SNOW!

ooooooh! Yay. yay! SNOW!

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Questions that need answers

If a black cat crosses your path on the stairs is it good luck or bad luck.

What if it is on the way to lie on your bed, and is wearing a hat?

If a hat on the bed is bad luck, what about a black cat wearing a hat, on a bed?

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I demand an answer

Where’s this fucking snow, then?

I was promised snow.
I’m wearing a large mobile duvet with arms and a furry hood.

Where’s this fucking snow?

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Questions that need answers

Do farm animals ever get depressed?

Do cattle worry about turning 40?

Do cattle turn 40?

If there are 7 dog years to a human year, how long is a cow-year?

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Questions that need answers

Who, in the animal kingdom, is known to have the most elaborate genitalia?

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Questions that need to be answered

I know only people and dolphins have oral sex (not with each other), but does anything have aural sex?

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Questions that need be answered

Can cows cough?

Do marmets sneeze?

Is it possible for a tiger to get hayfever?

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Questions that need be answered

Why are wasps?

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Questions that need be answered

Can donkeys smile if they’re happy?

Are they ever happy, or are they always in donkey shelters?

Do you get wild donkeys?

Where?

Are wild donkeys happy?

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Questions that need be answered

Do sheep get heavier in the rain?

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Questions that need to be

Do moths have lips?

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This is a little red boat. Little, red, and boaty.

I still post. Occasionally. Honest, I do.