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See? I TOLD you I might be some time…

…Said that bloke who said that he might be some time, opening the tent flap and greeting his fellow polar explorers who, presuming the bloke had been made comprehensively dead by the killer snow outside, had started to eat his ration of biscuits. They quickly looked at each other, tried to pull faces that suggested that under their balaclavas they had the moustaches of mysterious and polite but possibly threatening strangers and said to the colleague attempting to re-enter the little fabric shelter “No we is sorry there mate I think you will find you are have the wrong tent? OK no problem thank you have a nice day bye!”
He paused.

“Really?” He said.

“Oh yes for definite this is totally a different tent to the one you are looking for. Whichever one that is.”, they confirmed.

“Oh. Oh ok. Thanks then. Ta ra.” And backed out of the tent, into the howling icy wind, never to be seen again.

Is how I think that story goes. People pretend it doesn’t, in order to preserve the dignity of the explorer classes, but let’s face it, all’s fair in death and biscuits. It is such stories of stoic barbarism in the face of baked goods that we should remember when the weather reaches extremes of coldness.

It is very cold. Not “very cold” in the universal scheme of things. Space is very cold. Siberia is very cold. Most freezers are very cold (although not my freezer, but that is because the seal is rubbish and it keeps swinging open, though I really don’t want that one case to undermine my point).

The UK at this time of year is ‘not cold’, in comparison to those other cold things, and ‘quite cold’, in comparison to how it is the rest of the year, and ‘very cold’, in comparison to, say, the sahara.

The Sahara during the day, that is. The Sahara at night is actually pretty cold.

I should have picked a different example of ‘hot’, really.

Anyway: given how the British react to it – and in particular the British public transportation companies – you would imagine that this was, in fact, the coldest place on earth. Instead, it is just ‘a bit cold’.

The main way I know this is because it has been snowing all day, but no polar bears have so far wandered past my window. You can only imagine how disappointed I am by this fact. I am also considering that maybe, just maybe, we should hang the expense and actually buy something other than a lightweight summer duvet. Or at least I *think* that’s what we have under those half-dozen throws.

Basically: weather. What else to we British people talk about when we want to open a conversation and have no idea what else to say?

What else has been going on? Well, for me: mainly, working (and also spending a considerable amount of time chasing work, like a moth chasing a thing that moths chase – not a flame, because that would mean that I was chasing a job that was eventually going to kill me by setting my tiny hairy body on fire, wings first, and frankly that’s not a job I’m looking for – chasing something moths like that isn’t a flame. Moth-treats. Mothbars. Mothdrops. That kind of thing), looking after a baby, and, apparently, eating in my sleep, because I suddenly discover I’ve exploded out of all my clothes again and need to do something about it. STAT.

I like saying ‘stat’. Sometimes I consider retraining as an emergency room surgeon, just so I can say ‘stat’ in a proper context. Then again, that would distract from my idea of retraining as a lawyer (in New York), in the belief that having seen every single episode ever made of Law & Order, I could basically pass The Bar right now without even trying.

Anyway. So I’m now doing all manner of exercise, and the worky things, and the baby things.

Doozer is fine. I don’t talk about him much here because I’ve never quite worked out how to handle the public/private balance of that. I save most of my writing about him for emails sent to him, to an account I opened before his birth. I’ll give them to him one day – or the password to the account – but whether he’ll care about them when I do, I have no idea. I like to tell him about the things he’s doing, liking, trying to achieve as they’re happening, whether they have any lasting value as pieces of writing or not. It feels as real and happy and easily communicative to me as blogging always did.

I’d like to find a way to talk about him in public that didn’t feel too intrusive, though. Or to talk about motherhood, which is lots of things, and none of the things I was expecting, all at once.

I always feel aware that it is a life experience that people moan about having to read about on blogs, facebook accounts, twitter etc – mommy-blogs are shunned, ‘shut up about your baby’ threads run rife on facebook, and frankly, I don’t want to add to that. BUT but but but. It is just a life experience, like any other. And I have to sit and watch everyone’s HILARIOUS pictures of their drunken weekend shenanigans flittering through my filters and if that’s allowed, then why not talk about the life experience that may end up being one of the biggest of my life? And certainly the thing that takes up most of my time, at the moment?

Maybe. Maybe I find a way. A nice, non-intrusive, fair-to-him way. We will see. We will see. I really miss blogging.

I miss rambling in an open wordpress window, let’s face it. I honestly should just do it more often for the sake of keeping my fingers warm.

ANYWAY. There we are:
a) it is cold
b) but not that cold
3) I have been eating too many mothdrops, but at least have some work coming out of it.
iv) And a new diet and exercise regime, which I am loving JUST as much as the last diet and exercise regime (and the one before that, and the one before that, and the one before the one before the one before).
e) Everything is lovely.

Everything is always lovely. Even if you don’t have any polar bears wandering past your window. And perhaps even BECAUSE you don’t.

How are you?

  1. Wait… you have just admitted in print that you have a tiny hairy body *AND* wings? That figures, I always knew you were special, probably because all your blog posts are written by fluttering said wings over the keys and applying just the right amount of pressure. Or something. As for your question, please allow me to be defiantly un-British by responding to it: I am fine (now I know you have wings), thanks for asking and welcome back to blogland. Your lovely voice has been much missed. Then again, you were probably too busy growing some wings.

    Comment by Hannah Curious — 20 January, 2013 2:43 pm

  2. I have written my boy precisely one email to the account I set up for him before he was born, I have completely failed on that point. I have also already forgotten at what age he did certain things. I used to have an amazing memory – turns out I don’t anymore. I did write him a letter on his 1st birthday in a lovely notebook that I shall add to each year ( if I remember). I hope Doozer had a lovely 1st birthday (our boys were born on the same day) or YOU enjoyed his birthday. We had a very nice posh pub lunch which I’m positive he was very grateful for and will always remember. Good to have you back in blog land.

    Comment by Emily — 20 January, 2013 10:06 pm

  3. It’s lovely to read a blog post from you again and great to hear things are going well with the baby. I think the emails to Doozer are a really lovely idea, a friend of mine was writing monthly blog posts to her baby which I really enjoyed reading (because I know and like both of them!) but she never found time to keep it going really. I love the idea of the kids getting to an age where they can read all this stuff, but choosing for them to have a load of stuff online is also problematic. Sounds like you’re finding your own way, anyway! I for one would love to hear your take on aspects of motherhood you want to share.

    Comment by Laura Kidd — 21 January, 2013 1:28 am

  4. I never get why people complain about mummy-blogs. It’s all part of life, innit? People are just rude.

    Lovely to see little red boat sailing again. More please? You know, if you want to, if you have time. :)

    Comment by Pigwotflies — 21 January, 2013 1:53 am

  5. Hooray! I’m cold, I’ve been colder, and I like reading about people’s babies (and drunken nights out/food/whatever) as long as they do it in an entertaining way. Which you do, so, GOGOGOGO.

    Comment by Fiona — 21 January, 2013 1:54 am

  6. I am fine thank you.

    It is nice to see you back. ‘Taking up blogging again’ is the new ‘giving up blogging’ so people have been telling me.

    Is the ‘why should I want to read about your boring mummy/baby experiences on some blog’ argument a bit like the ‘why should I read about your sad dweeby life on some blog’ argument that was all the rage in 2004? If so, I don’t recall any of us paying any attention then.

    Comment by JonnyB — 22 January, 2013 5:06 am

  7. Doing well, thanks for asking. Sore and tired from working on our house remodel, but you never came by and saw the old one so there is no basis for comparison. Please come by when we’re done, so at least you can praise all the work we did.
    PS: get an electric blanket. They work wonders for the toes in winter.

    Comment by joeinvegas — 23 January, 2013 1:06 pm

  8. Hello! I am glad you are back :) I have a tiny person and blog, but not about said tiny person. I also try not to bombard facebook with photos of her, even though as you say, we have to put up with drunken photos/dogs/’like this photo and I will take my shirt off’ posts/etc. But I don’t know really how much/little to mention tiny person on the blog. It’s tricky. But it is up to you – never mind what other people think/say.
    Also, yes it is bloody freezing, and yes, get a leccy blanket. Toasty!

    Comment by Anna — 24 January, 2013 12:35 pm

  9. You know, whatever you decide to write about, it’ll be just fine. Sounds a bit of daft comment, but here’s what I mean: When I first started reading blogs, yours was among the ones I discovered and read daily. Your posts managed to make me chuckle whatever you wrote about, even when the subject matter was something that would not normally have interested me. I started a blog, became a mum, and that changed my outlook so much that I went down the mummy blogger route, even changing my blog name. Naturally after almost 6 years of being a mum, other subject matters once again tend to feature more than what my offspring have been up to, but it’s a journey which is me and I hope I’ve managed to blog about it all without writing something silly about my girls that they’d hate me for. The journey also has opened up new interests and the subject matter keeps changing. Your blog is what you make it, and your writing style is always yours, and all these years on your writing still makes me chuckle.

    Comment by cartside — 29 January, 2013 1:57 pm

  10. I don’t have a baby or cats, but I enjoy reading everything you write and I don’t mind what it’s about. Anyway, it’s your blog and you can write about what you want, and if people don’t appreciate the subject matter, that’s their loss…

    Comment by Andria — 2 February, 2013 6:49 am

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This is a little red boat. Little, red, and boaty.

I still post. Occasionally. Honest, I do.