Due to several months of appointments, classes and ‘refusal to nap anywhere but during long pram walks’ (that’s doozer, not me, I never refuse to nap anywhere), we walk the seafront a lot. We walk the seafront in sun, in rain, in wind and in fog, and sometimes in all of them at once, given what the weather has been like this year.
Thanks to this, I not only have an incredible lower-arm tan (“Oooh, you’re brown, have you been anywhere nice?” said the health visitor when I saw her last week. “No. Well, yes. I’ve been pacing Hove Lawns in an attempt to induce sleep”, I growled), but I also have a great knowledge of the type of people who walk on the seafront at any particular time of day, week, or season.
THESE ARE THE PEOPLE ON THE SEAFRONT IN THE RAIN
1) New Parents Pushing Enormous Prams.
They’re happy to be there, in that it is outside, and quiet (apart from the torrential rain lashing at their hoods and wind whipping around their heads), but the baby is sleeping and that is intrinsically calming.
2) Doomed Lovers.
Not doomed as in ‘they are bound for death’, just as in ‘they aren’t going to be together very long. Possibly not beyond the next five minutes’. You cannot generally get close enough to hear them, because they are locked in tear-filled embraces close to the crashing waves, but if you could, they would be saying things like “O god! It’s not that I don’t love you! I love you so much it hurts, and that is why we cannot be together! You are TOO perfect for me”. And other things that make sense when you are 20-something years old and bored and want to go and have sex with other people but aren’t quite sure how to phrase that. They stand there, locked in a moping embrace, staring at the waves and feeling like it is a Giant Metaphor for their Whole Relationship. They will individually look back on this in 15 years and either laugh, or cringe, or both.
Because as everyone knows, joggers are nuts.