Comments on: I repent

By: Silk

Silk — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 19:02:02 +0000

Hand your significant other an apple, and tell him to (take it outside and) eat it, then immediately kiss you. You’ll tolerate apples ever after. Guaranteed.

By: anna

anna — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 10:34:33 +0000

Aliens. Yes, that’ll be it. Thanks.

By: Peter Peter Apple Eater

Peter Peter Apple Eater — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 05:08:41 +0000

The real problem with eating apples is that my girlfriend thought there was a horse in the front yard till she figured out it was just me enjoying an apple [SCRUNCH CHOMP CHOMPCHOMPCHOMPSWALLOW SCRUNCH CHOMP CHOMP SLOBBER GOBBLE...]

This inability of yours to deal with a simple thing like chewing is what we in the trade like to call a “hangup” and it probably means you were molested as a child by aliens or similar.

When I read your post the other day I actually thought you were talking about a type of computer. Oh well…

By: Clare

Clare — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 21:51:24 +0000

Hahaha, you v. funny indeed.

As for this:

“Where do you go to buy ½ apples?”

My mum once sent my sister to the shop for half a cabbage. She came back saying “Mu-uuu-uuum, the man wouldn’t sell me half a carrot…”

Oh God, I have a horrible feeling I’ve told this story in one of your comment boxes before. If that were true, it would be unspeakably sad.

By: lux

lux — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 17:19:24 +0000

Mothers are good at cutting up apples into more edible pieces. It doesn’t even have to be your own mother; any mother should be able to do it. If you feel weird about asking, then you can give the apple to a small child and have him ask his mother to cut it. Just make sure the small child has clean hands. Or put the apple in a bag or something.

By: anna

anna — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:42:04 +0000

The fur on peaches makes me feel like I’m sucking a mouse.

The very thought makes my tongue go yakky.

By: Amy

Amy — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:39:46 +0000

Yep, Gordon the Gopher was no where near as cool as Ed the Duck. A duck! Wearing sunglasses! Hanging out with a gay black dude!

The fur on peaches makes me feel all creepy.

By: Miss Nomer

Miss Nomer — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:30:18 +0000

“now I will NEVER EAT ANYTHING EVER AGAIN”

Come on - not even Anna’s Ginger Thins and noodles?

And don’t forget eggs. Eggs are delicious.

Reasons for eating apples (even if you’re not too keen on them):
1 - They’re good for you
2 - They help to wake you up when you’re feeling sleepy
3 - They’re grown nearby so they help you to keep your carbon footprint small.

By: Andria

Andria — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:28:36 +0000

I love the word ‘grumpetance’. Yet another of your fantastic portmanteau words.

By: Pigwotflies

Pigwotflies — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 15:52:06 +0000

I sympathise. I’m sort of allergic to apples. Not serious-life threatening allergic, just sort of sneezy, throat tickly, feeling slightly sick intolerant. Which is strange since I used to love apples and ate loads of them.