Well I say last night. It was more this afternoon, really.
“Will you please take that look off your face? I’m clearly not going to kill you, because it’s not ethical. Also, there is a witness.”
I was reminded when I posted earlier of something I wrote a couple years ago. I love toothache. This was a lie, obviously. It is twaddle. Although quite good twaddle. But of course, at that point, I didn’t HAVE toothache, so I was able to say funny things about it.
Or things about it at all.
Or just Things, actually.
“Oh I see what’s happened there – this one’s become infected. Can you smell that? That’s the infection, can you smell it? No? Well, probably best. More suction please, Mandy.”
Someone told me once that one of the incredible things about the human body is it has no physical memory – no memory for pain. It’s the reason that women are able to have more than one child, they said. It’s also the reason why I don’t repeatedly smack myself in the mouth with a tin of beans to avoid ever having to have toothache again. Or teeth.
“Seriously, stop shaking! I’m not going to make any sudden moves. Trust me – I’ve been a dentist for a very long time, and experience has taught me that making sudden moves is unwise.”
So here we are – just to remind myself, next time I feel like saying that toothache is somehow fun, or bearable in any way, shape or form, it isn’t. It’s like having a whole jaw made of ow, with someone repeatedly punching it with a fist made of fucking hell.
There. That’ll teach me. Now, back to skipping around my flat singing the happy ache-free song.
[And CartoonChurchDave has just sent me a link to his extremely expressive cartoon on the subject, which is very good but has made me feel a bit woozy.]