Thank you to The Fool for my second Amazon wishlist package of March. It contained a Magic 8 Ball.
This is a very nice thing, because it is nice when people buy you things for no reason, it means they are lovely etc.
However. The possible ramifications this may have on my finances, career and homelife are widereaching, and possibly dangerous. This weekend I have discovered that I should take up pottery, go freelance (though not inthe area of travel writing or the arts, apparently), throw away my university papers and half my photographs, watch the dreadful Charlie’s Angels sequel and move to Brighton.
Additionally, after a series of carefully tailored questions, it appears that my beloved and I will be together for a period of more than ten years but less than twenty, which means that I will be worrying about this almost constantly for the next decade and a half, before bringing about the relationship to an end myself because I am so scared that if I don’t comply with the wishes of fate, one of us will just die or something.
It has been suggested by my aforementioned beloved that the Magic 8 Ball might not be entirely trustworthy and accurate in the field of future prediction, and I can see where he’s coming from, purely in the interests of wallet-protection and self-preservation if nothing else.
But, you know, these things have been around for a long, long time, and if they’re not absolutely accurate, then how are they allowed to sell them? No no, they must be accurate, and true, because otherwise they wouldn’t be allowed on the open market. And at such a reasonable price.
I tell you what, there is one easy solution that will end this argument. Magic 8 Ball; are you completely accurate and able to predict the future?
AS I SEE IT YES
Hm. That’s interesting. So that’s a tacit confirmation but with the added caveat of personal slant. Interesting. But obviously you would say that, wouldn’t you. Otherwise you’re talking yourself out of a job. It would be in your best interest to lie. Would you by any chance be lying to protect your career and reputation, Magic 8 Ball?
MY SOURCES SAY NO
Your sources? What sources? This is the first time we’ve heard of any such sources. Would you be willing to reveal the identity of your sources, Magic 8 Ball?
OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD
What do you mean? For you? Are you seeing the future right now? Yourself, in pieces on the floor, lifeforce dribbling away in a puddle of blue liquid? Is that what you mean? That if you reveal your sources, the outlook is not good for you, because they’ll kill you? God. That sucks, doesn’t it?
WITHOUT A DOUBT
This joke is wearing thin, isn’t it?
MOST LIKELY
I should just stop now, shouldn’t I?
YES
Right. So there we go. Inconclusive evidence that the future-predicting Magic 8 Ball may, or may not be any cop whatsoever.
If you do have any questions for the 8 ball, feel free to ask away. Although unless it learns to type, you probably won’t get any answer till I get back from the south of France on Thursday.
And then you’ll probably all get the same answer. That would be fun. Do ask away.
The Magic 8 Ball and its contested predictive powers are waiting for you.
Magic 8 Ball - will they ever bring back The Tripods?
Comment by Matt — 3 April, 2006 7:04 am
Magic 8 Ball - Will suing the makers of Magic 8 Ball for false advertising under the trade’s description act work for incorrect predictions?
Comment by Invader Stu — 3 April, 2006 8:01 am
Magic 8 Ball - how many days does it take to deliver a passport under a 7 day guarantee?
Comment by AndyB — 3 April, 2006 8:49 am
Tsk tsk… asking it to reveal its sources. Surely journalists never do that?
Comment by Richard — 3 April, 2006 8:52 am
You are very welcome, Anna. Although clearly Amazonning you a grenade might have been safer to your financial, emmotional, and mental health. Who’d have thought you would react thusly. Well, anybody who’d read your blog I suppose. Bugger.
Comment by The Fool — 3 April, 2006 10:40 am
Okay, Magic 8 ball, if I ask Cherry out this lunchtime (Monday), will she say yes?
Interesting idea, methinks. I’ll know the answer before the ball gets asked the question, thereby proving once and for all… something or other.
Comment by Two Left Feet — 3 April, 2006 10:59 am
Too bad it didn’t come earlier. You could have asked it about your passport delivery.
Comment by joeinvegas — 3 April, 2006 2:37 pm
Magic 8ball, are all magic 8balls using the same ’sources’? Otherwise they’d disagree, wouldn’t they? So there must be one ultimate magic 8ball that tells the others what to do. Right?
Comment by Anna F — 3 April, 2006 9:35 pm
Anna F, I fear only Dick Cheney has such an ultimate ball. It’s clear though, from his recent behaviours, that he does indeed only have one.
Comment by Sami, Problem-Child-Bride — 4 April, 2006 3:14 am
Of course there is one ultimate magic 8ball. What do you think they teach the kids these days? Creationism?
Comment by Gordon — 4 April, 2006 11:59 am
Two left feet: Did Cherry say yes?
Comment by John Mac — 5 April, 2006 12:14 pm
I’ve gained a magic 8 ball when my boss decided he didn’t want it anymore.
It proved to be unnervingly accurate at making the correct managerial decisions when he was away on honeymoon for 3 weeks…
In fact it was so good that it is our replacement manager when he’s away. (and when he’s here - but we don’t tell him that).
Not so good at personal questions though.
But for managerial decisions spot on! At least in a software company.
I wonder if the 8 ball needs time to settle in properly before they aclimatize… ?
(apologies for any spelling mistakes - not my best subject)
Comment by Andrea — 5 April, 2006 3:14 pm
Oh, incidentally, The answer for you all, is…
[shakes magic 8 ball]
MOST LIKELY
[shakes head at 8 ball despairingly]
So there you go.
Two-lefties, tell us about Cherry, we must know.
Everyone else, you are too funny. Seriously. I logged on to read these comments in Nice and almost fell off my internet cafe stool. Ask Petite.
Comment by anna — 6 April, 2006 1:44 pm
Sorry to let you all (and myself) down… I have seen the delightful Cherry once since I posted the message, and that was for about half an hour, while I was in the company of an exceptionally profane Millwall fan.
I shall, however bear in mind the result of the Magic 8 ball when I get round to doing the deed…
Comment by Two Left Feet — 7 April, 2006 1:19 pm
I came here by way of blogher.org.
I’ve had a magic 8 ball for ten years. I love it! When I can’t make a decision I use the 8 ball. It’s been correct about Thai food for dinner every time.
Hilarious post.
Comment by Chantel — 9 April, 2006 7:14 pm
Thank you Chantel, and welcome.
Yes, it’s funny how the answer always turns out to be what we hoped it was going to be ll along, isn’t it?
Apart from having to watch Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, of course. I had no intention of doing that, and the ball nearly met a terrible end after making me do it.
Comment by anna — 9 April, 2006 8:45 pm