Some designer magic-face-juice company- I don’t know who, because I am blocking them out, because they are mean - have a billboard type advert with a huge close-up face shot of Sharon Stone at the moment.
Next to the picture, it has the words ‘Better looking now than you were at 20!‘
Now that seems mean. She’s Sharon Stone. She was better looking at 20 than I am now, and of course she’s better looking now, at - what is she now? 81? 83? - at about 82 than I was at 20. You don’t need to point that out to me, and particularly you don’t need to point that out to me on a particularly grumpsome Monday morning.
But WHY is she better looking? Because she’s got lots of money, enough for a personal skincare specialist, surgeon, dermatologist, nutritionist, trainer, masseuse etc etc etc? Maybe?
And this is an advert to encourage me to buy something then, is it?
So strictly speaking, you’re not only TELLING me that this woman is better looking at 84 than I have ever been or will ever be, and there’s basically fuck all I can do about it, you’re also encouraging me to throw more money into the pretty lady’s coffers so that she can be still prettier than me when she’s 112, has no original body parts to call her own and can’t even remember where she put her face, let alone her face cream.
Is that right? Well, I think you’re mean.
So there.
Bet you’re worried now, aren’t you, large multi-national skincare people.
Scared by Britain’s 378th most powerful blogger denouncing you?
Quaking in your uggs, I’ll bet.
That’s just not cool…They should cover those billboards up on Monday mornings or something.
Comment by Scarlet — 13 March, 2006 5:06 pm
Sneak up there in the dead of night with a black marker pen and draw on some wrinkles etc. That’ll take the bechamel sauce out of their lasagne, good and proper.
Comment by Pete — 13 March, 2006 7:04 pm
*will give up exfoliating tommorrow in sympathy*
Comment by US — 13 March, 2006 7:33 pm
Pete, good idea. I agree totally (except for the bechamel bit, I don’t even know what that is). I will defend to the death my right to be ugly on a Monday morning, and indeed any other time the mood takes me (or I can’t be bothered to wear makeup). If it helps, just remember that the beautiful people aren’t real - they all live in America, which is one step more removed from reality than the magical land of Oz. We might as well get angry because Manga girls are prettier than us. They just ain’t real.
Comment by Anna F — 13 March, 2006 7:38 pm
Hey, I’m from America. That’s offensive. We do not live in a fantasy world!
Yes we do.
Comment by Matt — 13 March, 2006 7:54 pm
I’d be beautiful too if some photoshopper airbrushed me to within an inch of my life. But then you wouldn’t be able to see those crinkly bits I’m rather partial too which show I’ve done lots of laughing. Which would be a shame.
But, more to the point, “Quaking in my Uggs” has to be the best phrase anyone has coined for some time…
Comment by petite — 13 March, 2006 7:54 pm
But that’s, like her job, to look beautiful.
It would be like if there was a poster up of me saying “New more about differential calculus at 20 than you’ll ever know at 40.” It means bugger all to people who’ve never needed Differential Calculus for a their job.
Well, okay, it’s not that great an analogy. Such a poster would speak to me, reminding me of everything I’ve forgotten since I was twenty.
But everyone knows that beautiful women are shit in bed.
So what you need to is get a spray of can paint and write “Sharon Stone shits her bed.”
Comment by Gert — 13 March, 2006 9:26 pm
Oh heck, you’re not Scary Duck, are you. Sorry for that last comment…
Comment by Gert — 13 March, 2006 9:27 pm
No, not Scary Duck, gert, No.
But remarkably, I still laugh at things that are funny… I know, crazy.
Comment by anna — 13 March, 2006 9:42 pm
That last Scary Duck bit has flown right over my head, just as the Scary Ducks in my Scary Duck dreams do, right before pooing on me. In horrifying slow motion the poo approaches me and I am paralysed, I cannot move my feet to run away; I’m stuck and balefully quacking in my Uggs. All I can see is the poo getting bigger and bigger and closer and closer and …Aaaaaaaaagh!
You’re not referring to the same Scary Duck are you? That would be just too too creepy. (Shiver)
Comment by Sami — 14 March, 2006 6:57 am
Uggs?
Comment by Rob — 16 March, 2006 2:43 am
Yes. Uggs.
Comment by Anna F — 17 March, 2006 3:47 pm