You’ll always be youranus to me
I spend a lot of time looking through rental listings for somewhere to live.
In general I do, I mean, it’s one of my favourite comfort activities for a Sunday afternoon, ever since I first stole a folder from my dad’s office aged seven and started cutting out house advertisements and paint swatches and cuttings from furnishing magazines to keep in it to plan the best place to live ever. I love it. can spend hours doing it, and imagining us in various houses, comparing room sizes and kitchens and descriptions.
So one of the most nervy things about the last few months has been not being allowed to check rental listings. Mainly because we just didn’t know where we would be living; in which city, in which country, what the timescale might be, or the situation of employment full stop - it was all a bit up-in-the-airish, which was endlessly frustrating. The Media: Officially not the most fun industry to work in at the moment.
Anyway, the situation we’re in at the moment, we know we’re going to be in San Francisco till the end of the financial year (next April, basically) but barring an economic miracle or some unexpected amazingness - and we are more than open to the concept of those, if any one has any spare - we’ll have to move back to the UK at that point. And that is all we are saying about that right now, because otherwise it gets complicated and I get sad (unless you have a miracle to hand).
In the meantime, we need to find somewhere to live for the winter which means - o joy of joys! - that I am let loose on Craigslist to find an apartment big enough for two people and two cats to live, and also to work in without killing each other, and small enough to be cheaper and easier to deal with, while still having a good cooking kitchen and well, lots of other little requirements and factors and pernickertynesses and ideas etc etc and man, I love searching through property listings. It’s brilliant.
There are only a few real criteria. Wading through the usual crowd of estate agents and realtors speaking crazy property double-speak. Though there do seem to be some unusually direct marketing approaches out there. “Receives Direct Sun, Though The Condo Does Not Bask In Solar Glory” is a little convoluted, though better than “If You Don’t Particularly Care For Sunlight But Like Space This Is The Place For You.”, which were both used for different flats. Though both of those beat “THIS PLACE IS NOT A DUMP!!!” hands down, because frankly if that’s the best thing you’ve got to say about your advertised property, I’m probably not that interested.
The main criterion, however, remains unshakable: being that My Beloved is currently refusing to consider the possibility of living on Uranus Terrace.
It’s mainly a theoretical concern, as there aren’t any flats on Uranus Terrace, it’s quite a small road, so there won’t be any. Also: it’s officially pronounced URRI-NUSS now, isn’t it?
This does not stop me thinking that it is possibly the best idea ever (as long as you insist on pronouncing Uranus as YOUR-ANUS - the correct, funnier, and more pleasing to my childlike brain way).
“Oh darling” we will turn to each other and say, when we are old and grey “Do you remember that lovely little cosy place up Uranus we holed up in those last six months in San Francisco?”
“Oh goodness me yes” the other will say “I’ll never forget Uranus.”
Who could NOT want that, if it was available? Madness, I tell you.
My lovely seeester agrees with me. She said … oh, I’ll show you what she said.
The Anna: he says we cannot live on Uranus. Because my jokes about it would become unbearable.
My seeeeester: No, you must live there. You must must. Beloved overruled!
The Anna: “Take a left up Uranus”
“The parking in Uranus is very hard”
“Do you remember that lovely little place we looked at on Uranus?”
My seeeeester: “Can you come and pick me up? I’m having trouble carrying the shopping up Uranus”
“I think there’s a bus service that goes up Uranus”
The Anna: Etc
My seeeeester: Overrule your beloved
The Anna: ok
My seeeeester: He’ll grow to love the joke
and if he doesn’t
well
everyone else will
The Anna: Ok. I will continue looking at Uranus as a possibility
My seeeeester: thank you
The Anna: Accomodation-wise
My seeeeester: though that’s a bit personal.Etc.
Man, it’s just the address that keeps on giving.
Boys are just so damn fussy.
Comment by lucy — 14 July, 2009 4:02 pm
Damn you, Anna and Meg, for dragging my wheezy rumble of a laugh to the surface again. I’ve been poorly. It’s not pleasant-sounding.
That said, I’m delighted to hear about Uranus, and should you move there I will of course be expecting pictures.
Comment by Anna F — 14 July, 2009 5:04 pm
yeah, but you have to think practically: If it’s only small, will you be able to squeeze a removal truck up Uranus?
Comment by Caitlin — 14 July, 2009 5:41 pm
Seriously? Laughing my arse off so much on the slog in to London. Thanks.
Comment by Brennig Jones — 15 July, 2009 12:10 am
Hilarious, thanks for making me laugh so much on an otherwise crappy day
Comment by Looby — 15 July, 2009 12:50 am
I love that there is a place in France called Pussy
Comment by NickyB — 15 July, 2009 12:55 am
I am trying not leave a really insensitive comment about how jolly excited I am at the prospect of you moving back to the Brighton.
Really trying.
Comment by MissT — 15 July, 2009 1:17 am
Are cats allowed in Uranus?
Comment by mondraussie — 15 July, 2009 2:35 am
Is there a Gentlemens’ club for Gentlemen who prefer the company of other Gentlemen somewhere up Uranus? If not, someone is missing a major marketing opportunity.
Comment by Exit, Pursued by a Bear — 15 July, 2009 3:28 am
I live in Uranus for a while. I didn’t think much of the neighbour.
Comment by Cliff — 15 July, 2009 4:15 am
I agree with your seeester…beloved over-ruled! You simply must move into Uranus. I had no idea that San Francisco had Uranus. A new place to stop and gawk, Uranus! Will it be foggy in Uranus? Will the sun shine in Uranus?
oh my…it’s irresistable.
[closing eyes and wishing really hard for a miracle for Anna and her beloved]
Comment by Rebecca — 15 July, 2009 6:36 am
With innocent wide eyes assure beloved that it’s really pronounced ooorAAAAAHnohs and no one could possible make jokes about that.
Comment by Megan — 15 July, 2009 6:53 am
Has anyone else made an offer on Uranus, or are you renting Uranus out?
A lot of people here have mentioned transport. Is Uranus just one-way traffic?
Don’t rush into Uranus. You have to think about what it will look like in ten, twenty, even forty years time.
God, this is brilliant.
Comment by Cliff — 15 July, 2009 7:14 am
If no flats exist on Uranus, then you must build one! Oh dear… would that be an erection in Uranus?
Comment by Lori Smith — 15 July, 2009 7:57 am
You must live there!
Could you pitch a tent in Uranus?
Comment by Toria — 15 July, 2009 8:18 am
How does Your Beloved not want to go up in Uranus and live there? My childlike brain doesn’t understand.
Comment by Becky Mochaface — 15 July, 2009 9:03 am
I have to make a conscious effort to pronounce the word ANALYST the correct way when at work meetings. :)))
Comment by scary azeri — 15 July, 2009 10:41 am
Good luck with Uranus. Stayed with a friend on Saturn when first getting to the city after college. It’s great up there, lots of fond memories. Would be a bitch to haul the groceries up though. You’d have to get one of those old lady carts. They call them a heel Porsche in Germany, god knows what they’d be called on Uranus.
Comment by Herb Caen — 16 July, 2009 5:41 am
My face is actually hurting! That was hilarious but I couldn’t laugh out loud :(
Comment by Hannah — 16 July, 2009 6:55 am
I want to thank you for defending the “YOUR-ANUS” pronunciation, because without it the joke about how Star Trek resembles toilet paper doesn’t work. (”They both circle Uranus and capture Klingons.”)
Comment by TheQueen — 18 July, 2009 11:40 am
I think it’s awesome that your name is Anna, because mine is too, and it’s the best name, ever, ahaha. and that you refer to your sister as “seester” cause I do the same, haha. Weird, huh?!
Comment by Anna — 23 July, 2009 10:48 am