I am going camping in the wilderness, like a rugged person.
Or, more accurately, in a campsite. Like a camping person.
I will be trying not to smell of honey, as it might attract bears.
I will also be trying not to smell of blood, as it might attract sharks. And they might come bumping down the road - or, you know, the hundred miles of road between us and the sea - in search of the blood.
And while I’m at it, I will try not to smell of … what do snakes eat? Eggs, right? I will be trying hard not to smell of egg.
But mainly because no one wants to hang out with the kid who smells of egg.
But other than that, I will be being very brave, and wilderness-like, and like a great woman of the outdoors, I will be hunting my own food.
In the sense of buying it at a shop.
Look, I don’t go camping very much.
Point was. Is. Um.
Nothing, really. I just wanted to give my mum something to read (see post below) (unless you’re my mum in which case: hey! I’m going camping!)
La la la la la.
I really need some sleep.
Try not to smell of human either in order to avoid bugs.
Hello Anna’s mum
Comment by Stuart — 10 July, 2009 1:02 am
First AGAIN!!!!!
You are very brave, stoic and adventurous.
Watch out for the Meerkats - are they called Prarie Dogs there? - they can be very vicious. They’ll call you all kinds of names, and stare at you in a way that makes you feel most uncomfortable.
Comment by Damian — 10 July, 2009 1:27 am
Lessons learnt: camping trip #1 - don’t pitch in a field with sheep poo, sheep poo means sheep, sheep eat tents; camping trip #2 - don’t invite people who sleepwalk to share your tent, they pee in the hood of their sleeping bag at 2am; camping trip #3 - be careful what you get up to inside the tent with the light on.
Comment by NickyB — 10 July, 2009 2:04 am
Bears dont just go for the smell of honey. They go for the smell of chocolate too.
Also, apparently, for the smell that a lady makes when she is …. erm… having her lady-time-of-the-month.
So no honey. And no chocolate. And no….erm…you know.
*rapidly changes subject*
Comment by Exit, Pursued by a Bear — 10 July, 2009 6:03 am
I lived in Alaska so I pretend to know a great deal about bears. I saw them, after all, in the real genuine wild (once or twice that was rather exciting actually…). So I shall share the wisdom passed along to me by a local tour guide:
a) Bears do not like to be startled. This makes them irritable and likely to eat the startler. This is why, in most Alaskan touristy stores, you can purchase little morris-dancer looking things with bells all over.
b) It is a very good idea to keep an eye out for scat (ie poo) so you know what sort of bear you’re dealing with. So:
i) Black bear scat contains large amounts of vegetable material such as seeds.
ii) brown (or grizzly) bear scat is easily identified by the small collections of little bells.
Comment by Megan — 10 July, 2009 6:38 am
Comment by anna — 10 July, 2009 8:59 am
Oh, Anna…..LOL I loved the note to burglars!!!! The problem is, in order to get their sexual needs attended to, they need to find some cash first…so…they will go to your good local penis sucking place right after they had finished with stealing your stuff. :)))
Comment by scary azeri — 10 July, 2009 12:10 pm
Anna, good luck in camp. The only good thing about it that I ever remember was sitting round the fire and singing. Everything else was a hard slog if you are really going “rugged” and cleaning your own pots and pans etc,. I enjoyed it, but then I was a kid. No way would I do it now, so good luck to you - you are very brave and adventurous.
Comment by Elise — 11 July, 2009 1:32 am
Good luck camping. I remember camping when I was a kid - it was great fun. Then camping as an adult - it was great loads of freaking hard work. Now I only camp if there is a hotel or nice cabin at the campsite. Otherwise, I prefer not to pretend to be homeless and call it a vacation.
Comment by Rebecca — 12 July, 2009 2:42 pm
You will back from camping by now - my time anyway - so I hope it was fun for you and not fun for the bears.
The chances of being burgled are way too high to worry about, ie, it’s going to happen sooner or later. Keep your good stuff somewhere else.
For example if you kept the good stuff at a friend’s place, you could go and look at it on a regular basis, all the while pretending to be friendly! Win Win.
Just be careful selecting the friend. One who lives in a bank vault is good; one who breeds big growly dogs at home is good; one who is addicted to very expensive drugs but who is unemployed, while it would be a nice gesture on your part, is not so good.
I don’t charge for advice.
I hope the whole, Life, “kinda falling apart here”, thing has settled down.
Comment by craigaroonie — 12 July, 2009 9:00 pm
I’m very impressed. I think bears like blood too, so the blood thing is doubly important. Check your calendar, and don’t take any lunar cups. Sorry. Couldn’t resist.
Coincidentally I have just returned from a camping trip, which I did this weekend instead of a birthday party. Or maybe it WAS a birthday party. Well anyway, 30 of us camped in Edale to celebrate my 40th birthday and the kids ran around raucously and the grownups drank champagne cocktails raucously and I swam in a river and it only rained a little bit and it was all very beautiful and just the right thing to do. I heartily recommend. But watch out for cleggs. Who coincidentally also like blood. But maybe they don’t like American blood. But take anti-histamines anyway. Just in case.
And PS did you hear the story about the bear, and the man, and the woman, and the lightning, and the fusing, and the… hmmm. Maybe you don’t want to hear that one. I won’t link (if you really want to know, search snopes.com for bear and lighting).
Comment by Beleaguered Squirrel — 14 July, 2009 4:02 am
PS Lightning, not lighting. And I am loving the thing about the bells and the bear poo. And the note to burglarisers.
Comment by Beleaguered Squirrel — 14 July, 2009 4:25 am