Yes. No, wait, I meant No. No hang on yes.
Another couple of things in the mounting list of things that people don’t know about me
I am very bad at negotiating. When I say ‘bad’, I do mean ‘cataclysmicallybad-bad’.
Things I have been known to do during important career negotiations
(At Some Point In The Past Not Neccessarily Now, People)
1) Burst into tears.
2) Made inappropriate jokes about my negotiatee being a bit like my mother.
3) Accepted he first random sum offered to me.
4) Managed to talk my way out of a job.
5) Hyperventilated.
6) Cried.
7) Constructed sentences entirely made out of the words ‘um’ and ‘I-I-I’ and ‘the thing is’ used around 249 times each in various combinations.
8) Spent minutes staring into space.
9) Apologised more than a thousand times.
10) Had a bit of a sad.
You’ll notice that bursting into tears appears several times in the list: I just don’t want you to underestimate how often it happens. Pretty much every. single. time.
_______________________
You know what? Let’s leave all that for now. I was going to tell you something, but I’ll tell you next week instead.
In the meantime….
I was surfing the interwebnet and happened upon these little beauties. This one, for children comes with free toilet roll holder and hopefully some vouchers for therapy in later life. And frankly this is just irresponsible. Completely and utterly incomprehensible.
_____________________
Just like me, in fact, this week.
Bibble bibble bibble bibble.
Career Negotiations.
One of the earliest jobs I applied for was for a post in the (then) British Honduras. Unfortunately, the first question they asked me was, “Where are the British Honduras?”.
That was the shortest interview I’ve ever had.
Comment by Little Shagthorne — 27 July, 2007 2:33 am
PS - What are you going to tell us next week? A hint would do.
Comment by Little Shagthorne — 27 July, 2007 2:34 am
I too am awful at negotiating. If, by some miracle, I manage to actually suggest a counter-offer, I’ll get terribly embarrassed if they refuse it and take whatever they throw at me.
I’ve never tried sobbing before, though. How’s that working out for you?
Comment by Rob — 27 July, 2007 6:42 am
No, I like the second one. Very handy if you have a flat baby.
I can’t remember a career/job type talk when I didn’t cry. Apart from interviews at the beginnings. It’s one more reason why I gave the whole bad world of work up as a dead loss.
Comment by Lisa — 27 July, 2007 7:24 am
The first job-negotiation I ever dad I was 12.
It was working at an Olympic show jumper’s yard for the summer holidays.
He offered me £x plus two private weekly lessons with him.
My counter was £x minus y and three private weekly lessons.
I felt so pleased, even though my take-home pay was reduced by half!
:-)
These days I secretly suspect tales of people negotiating massive pay rises and company cars are fabrications.
The tales, not the company cars.
Comment by Brennig — 27 July, 2007 7:35 am
Those costume links are both amusing and terrifying! You’ve inspired a blog post for me at least. ‘Irresponsible’ indeed!
As Rob has suggested, mayhap you could use the tears to your advantage in negotiations. If that doesn’t work, you can always try blackmail…
Comment by Eleanor Bloom — 27 July, 2007 8:02 am
Always negotiate, always. Any half-decent manager would respect you for it. If you can’t stick up for yourself, how are you going to stick up for his/her company?
As for ‘happening upon’ those costumes, are you seriously trying to tell us you did not Google for “I would like to dress up as a toilet at the weekend”?
Comment by Mr Angry — 27 July, 2007 9:48 am
Doh! You’re doing it again! You are the Dan Brown of blogging.
Sorry, I don’t mean in a writerly sense. Just in a cliffhangerly sense.
Re: the crying thing. I too cry at the drop of a hat. But I confess I’ve never done it in a job interview, so you win. Damn.
Comment by Clare — 27 July, 2007 10:29 am
Blimey. Presumably going for the Whoopee Cushion Child look would put one at risk of being sat on by Comedy Giant.
As for negotiations…i you are offered something, always ask ‘Is this negotiable?’, and if the answer is ‘no’, threaten the job offerer with a charge of sexual harrassment. Never fails.
Comment by jamie — 27 July, 2007 12:00 pm
Does it involve TV?
Comment by Little Shagthorne — 27 July, 2007 1:38 pm
Shagthorne, you’ll not be told, will you?
No, seriously, you won’t. I’m not telling. It’s nothing big, in the scheme of things.
But it does of course have *something* to do with telly. Doesn’t everything?
Comment by anna — 27 July, 2007 1:43 pm
I notice the costumes are all available in ‘adult’ sizes. No further comment on that.
But the tears, and job loss? Oh, sorry.
Comment by joeinvegas — 27 July, 2007 3:31 pm
I usually shake or stutter or lose my train of thought and start rambling and making inappropriate jokes while I change 3 topics per minute. I’ve now stopped drinking coffee before meetings and it seems to help.
I know this is totally cheap and too much of a self-plug but I’ll be doing this year’s Blogathon and hopefully you’ll come and visit, leave a comment for support, plug me on your blog or even sponsor me. It’s all for a very good cause. Feel free to delete this comment, I won’t mind. In fact I’ll still like you.
Comment by Colin Brooks — 27 July, 2007 3:54 pm
I interviewed somebody once who was incredibly nervous. She was shaking horribly - part of the job involved work at the PC and she couldn’t type properly her hands were so uncontrollable. Then she started crying.
I didn’t really know what to do, so I was nice an’ stuff, and we got through the interview. I thought I’d better walk her downstairs myself rather than just point her towards them so we could have a friendly sort of chat on the way down and hopefully she wouldn’t leave the place feeling UTTERLY small and wretched. Unfortunately she then fell down the stairs in front of me - sort of missing the top step and going down the whole flight on her arse before landing at the bottom in a heap. She wasn’t hurt, but started crying again, so I thought I’d better leave her to it.
I don’t THINK it was you.
Comment by JonnyB — 27 July, 2007 3:59 pm
Thanks, that’s the first proper chuckle of my day and it is already past 4! The baby costumes, I mean, am not laughing at you about your interview negiotiation skills.
Comment by Kathryn — 27 July, 2007 10:07 pm
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in five years’ time?
Me: Are you joking?
Interviewer: Joking?
Me: Yes. Are you REALLY asking me that question?
Interviewer. No. I mean, no, I’m not joking, and yes, I am asking.
Me: OK. Happy. Not working. Not having interviews.
Interviewer: Are YOU joking?
Me: Joking? About that? Oh no.
Comment by non-workingmonkey — 27 July, 2007 10:11 pm
As a side note, my last wage negotiation was over e-mail. That’s definitely the way to go if you can pull it. Talked them up 10%!
Comment by Rob — 28 July, 2007 6:35 am
A while ago someone offered me a job for which I was completely unqualified. I told them I thought I was completely unqualified, and declined.
The next day, he called back, and made a new improved offer with a higher salary. I politely explained that since this was an academic position in a field in which I didn’t even have an O level, I didn’t think I’d be able to do it.
The following day, he called again, with an even higher salary offer.
I’d never considered “I’m not qualified to do that job” to be a great negotiating technique, but somehow it works.
All that was four years ago, and, yes, I accepted and I’m still in the job…
Comment by jimD — 28 July, 2007 9:13 pm
The surest way to avoid career negotiations is to become fully self-employed then you can cry all the time because of the ridiculously small fees you have to agree to. This may be an option worth considering.
Comment by Ariel — 29 July, 2007 8:11 pm
Wait, you’re *not* supposed to accept the first offer they give you?
Nice girls always say “yes.”
Comment by Le Meg — 30 July, 2007 9:08 am
Soph read this and laughed at each bullet point.
Then she turned and said “How like me is she?”
My God.
I’m living with Anna and didn’t know it.
:-)
Comment by Brennig — 31 July, 2007 7:46 pm
Oh boy… I would not want to be a kid in that first costume on Halloween night who bumps into a very drunk man with a full bladder.
Comment by Invader_Stu — 1 August, 2007 12:21 pm
Someone on eBay has just given me a full refund on a CD which arrived 2 months late. The CD is fine. I have just refunded the refund. Which of us will blink/get bored first?
Comment by Konnnie Huxtable Global — 5 August, 2007 8:37 am