Someone you barely know works in the building in which you work, and requests that you make them a pal on that ‘facebook‘ machine.
Though not what you would conventionally term ‘friends’, having barely been colleagues for a week, you know them well enough to know that they have a face, as do you, and on this basis you faccept them.
(I’m working on the basis that if stupid words about blog-related activities (or blactivities) can be coined by adding ‘bl’ to the beginning of a word, it follows that it must be possible with facebook and the letter ‘f’, yes? Yes. Or maybe no. Whatever)
Within twenty minutes you are alerted by The Facebook. The Facebook wishes to break the news to you that your new colleague and sometime friend (firm pal of around 18 minutes standing) has just broken up with the girlfriend you had no idea that they had in the first place. This is the type of information facebook knows we want to know about our dearest friends, and so we are finformed.
But now what do you DO? You are a friend of this person. You have written confirmation of the fact you are friends in the form of a small message with tickboxes saying ‘This person is now your friend, please confirm how you know this person‘ - so you must be close in some way, so what do you do?
Because those first few minutes are the hardest, obviously, because you know that they’re going through serious *feelings* over there, and you’re, like, number one friend on the scene - which makes you their number one friend FULL STOP, ostensibly, so what do you do?
So what’s the correct fetiquete here? Do you go over there and say
“Hey Joseph - Or do you go by Joe? Well, whatever. Anyway - listen, I’m really sorry to hear you split up with … with … hang on, I just need to look at my screen. Kate. Things must be tough for you right now, buddy. Well, I’m here for you, yeah?”
Or do you wait for the perfect moment, honing your first all-important words as the hours, days, weeks pass. Until it’s been too long and it’s just too awkward and far from being the best-ffriend you should have been when they needed you most, you’re now avoiding their eyes as you pass in the corridor and walking up five flights rather than catch the lift with them.
You should have been more than ffriend to them, and you know it. Just when they needed you most, you should have been brother, sister, kin to them, and instead you were a franger.
It’s a fkin nightmare, this fetiquette, fffrankly.
You’re Ffunny;) ( saw that one coming didn’t you? How about this one: Will you add me on Facebook? ;))
Comment by Ed R — 16 July, 2007 12:52 am
FFS
Comment by drew — 16 July, 2007 2:07 am
let’s be ffriends!!!
Comment by lindsea — 16 July, 2007 4:23 am
i’ve always thought it rather limiting that facebook only has a friends list. i’d certainly use it more if it had the option of an enemies list. i mean knowing your friends’ enemies is certainly more informativethan knowing their friends.
Comment by kermit — 16 July, 2007 5:13 am
I was very glad that although my line manager is on facebook, and knows I am on facebook, and we had a conversation about this fact, she didn’t add me. I suspect she wants to keep whatever moaning about work she does on there away from me just as much as I want to keep my moaning away from her.
Comment by B — 16 July, 2007 7:48 am
Facebook is indeed an awkward place. Someone I semi-know (in real life, I regret) ‘collects’ Posh Totty in Ballgowns (PTIB, for short. His short, not mine.)
I asked him:
a) How? “Just request an add. Be prepared for some blanking, some ‘Do I know yous?’ and some curt ‘Up yours, mateys’.” Any one of those would horrify me for a week. Facebook favours the brazen; I really don’t like that.
b) Why? He had no satisfactory answer to that.
I’m staying well off it.
(BTW, as you’ll have gathered, I have absolutely no answer to your dilemma. I should have said that first, really.)
Comment by Konnie Huxtable Fflobal — 16 July, 2007 8:03 am
WTF(acebook) is it arl aboot?
I mean (canny lass) this fecebuke, is it all it’s cracked urp ter bee?
(it’s no good, I can’t keep the Geordie going)
I’m staying away from Facebook.
My wife’s on it and she gets messges from people she’s not speaking to (because of some school-age, playground-related argument), ever.
And she gets all uptight because she doesn’t want to tell them that they’re poo-heads.
So she accepts them as friends!
Facebook; it’s the sperm of the devil.
I advise you all to leave, leave now.
Take your goods and chattels and flee for the mountains as fast as you can.
Oh yes.
Comment by Brennig — 16 July, 2007 8:19 am
I just change my profile thingee. ‘Nine is: very sorry for poor worthless Joe who just got his ass kicked to the curb by Kate. Loser’.
Wonder why no-one requests me to be their friend…?
Comment by Nine — 16 July, 2007 9:23 am
You could try fwriting something so out-of-place, yet facetious (so that you could claim it was a joke) that they will delete you immediately. Such as “sorry to hear that - was it because of the herpes, d’ya think?!”
Comment by z — 16 July, 2007 9:26 am
A few friends occasionally invite me to join theirbebos or facebooks or whatever. I haven’t accepted any of these invitations because we already remain in contact. They all have remained in contact. We are, as far as I can tell, still friends.
Side note - I’ve had the weird experience of discovering the myspace site of a couple of people I know and read the most blatant lies about themselves (shaved off their age and added those numbers to their income bracket). Was quite stunned, I was.
Comment by Lee B — 16 July, 2007 9:55 am
Oh z, that’s naughty.
Funny, if only Anna didn’t have to work with Joe.
Comment by Lionel — 16 July, 2007 10:31 am
If ever I have a relationship worth mentioning on Facebook, and then it ends, I won’t be offended if you completly ffail to be a ffriend :)
Comment by Ignorminious — 16 July, 2007 11:20 am
Oh! konnie huxtable! that’swhat that email address said! Your handwriting is terrible, tut tut (mine also)
Thank you for the book, which I read on the train and finished by the time I got home on Thursday. Lovely thought, and cracking book - thank you.
Comment by anna — 16 July, 2007 12:33 pm
Ooops - handwriting that bad, eh? I even took special care with the email address! (I thought you were just being cryptic on Friday and I therefore responded in kind. Ho hum.)
Anyway. Good. Glad you liked it. Thank you very much for saying so.
Comment by Konnie Huxtable Fflobal — 16 July, 2007 1:39 pm
I have yet to take the fplunge. I’m fresisting it as much as poss, but I know it’ll fget me in the end.
As for Joe… offer him a quick consolatory fshag in the toilets? No? Oh. I don’t know then.
Comment by Clare — 16 July, 2007 2:05 pm
This just confirms that I shouldn’t join Facebook, Myspace, whathaveyou…Why do people look at me like I’m not worshipping the new messiah when they find out I’m not a *member*? Pfft.
Comment by Kathryn — 16 July, 2007 2:31 pm
Borida, Anna and Boradigion e boridigisi.
I have stumbled upon your llovely site whilst surfing on my llaptop with the ddragon crest, here in my llovely South Wales Valllley.
I assumed with all the ‘ff’ words it was a llovely Welsh site talking of the green green grass of Rhonda. Not realllly sure what with facebook thing is realllly…
Keep it up, my llovely…
Comment by Bob 'Taff' Llewellyn — 16 July, 2007 3:38 pm
I await the Hallmark card, “Sorry to hear via Facebook of your loss. Please accept this invitation to join my ‘commiserations group’. PS I have also thrown a donut at you”.
It’ll probably be one of those with teddies that reads, “Fforever Ffriends”
Comment by Dury — 16 July, 2007 3:41 pm
Borida, Bob, and welcome. I’m sorry, no, all those double letters are down to my comedy illiteracy, rather than the morenoble Welsh reasons.
Welcome all the same…
Comment by anna — 16 July, 2007 3:55 pm
I’ve become strangle addicted to FaceBook and so has everyone I know. I think there is hidden mind control in the pages.
Comment by Invader Stu — 17 July, 2007 8:47 am
Just tell them to ffeck off. That’s what I do when anyone pokes me, either physically or cyberally.
Comment by S Hamilton — 17 July, 2007 9:40 am
That fking fFacebook is weird man! I just tried to join. I put all the required details in including my date of birth, well, actually I knocked off a few years as you do, and back came the message “You must insert your correct birthday to register”. How the fsuck did they know it was wrong? So I ran off! There’s more to that fpage than meets the eye!
Comment by Keith — 17 July, 2007 10:32 am
Cute! True story or no? :-)
Comment by eve — 17 July, 2007 8:46 pm
I think its best to just continue treating this person (on facebook) as you would in your real life relationship. so if he is a person that you just say hello to once in a while, it doesnt matter that he is on your facebook list, just continue as you were.
another theory- maybe that was his way of hitting on you- like this is your lucky day girl from building! you can now have me since my gf and i broke up!
Comment by Ale — 18 July, 2007 8:38 am
I’ve never even looked at facebook. I’ve been tempted a couple of times but never actually bothered going there.
I feel it is my small stand against the technological revolution.
Comment by AFC 30k — 18 July, 2007 4:23 pm
I had a Facebook ‘thing’ for about three weeks. And for just such similar circumstances, I binned it off.
Just full of people you’ve spent the last ten years trying to avoid, asking to be your friend.
Bin it off, I say.
Comment by Clive For Nothing — 18 July, 2007 8:57 pm
The problem is, when the breaking up information is some hilarious joke between the relevant couple. Then when you do say that you’re really sorry to hear they’ve broken up, you look like a twat.
In my experience.
Comment by Miss Tickle — 19 July, 2007 9:18 am
Saw you in G2 today… so true about the security of it. I’m cautious about which of my colleagues I add to it as it’s definitely used as a Big Brother style tool by some users…
Comment by Vicky — 19 July, 2007 11:51 am
No it isn’t. [Vicky - July 19, 2007 11:51 am]
Comment by Big Brother — 19 July, 2007 3:08 pm
[...] My Enemies Enemy is my Friend. On Facebook. Published July 19th, 2007 muppets , facebook , humour (Indirect) Link (it’s #4): i’ve always thought it rather limiting that facebook only has a friends list. i’d certainly use it more if it had the option of an enemies list. i mean knowing your friends’ enemies is certainly more informativethan knowing their friends. [...]
Pingback by My Enemies Enemy is my Friend. On Facebook. « @ The Falcon — 19 July, 2007 8:27 pm
I am thinking of leaving the Facebook, except I can’t work out how to delete my profile. But it’s OK, because someone I worked with 12 years ago and ten people I haven’t spoken to since 1995 have added me as a friend. They’re all still dicks.
Comment by NON-WORKINGMONKEY — 22 July, 2007 11:25 pm