I’d forgotten.

My beautiful and apathetic country.

On the back of a phone box on Farringdon Road, a large poster proclaimed that ‘This is your space to voice your opinons on the war’, a large invitation to free speech with the majority of the poster left free for writing.
And the voice of the nation said….
Nothing.
The poster had obviously been there a while, and was yellowing, never mind that the war is - officially - over.
No one wrote anything.
Not even the people that put the damned thing up in the first place.

That made me smile.

Things that have made me smile this weekend - no.1

Bunnies on the Roundabout at Luton Airport.
Standing at Luton airport, waiting for my lift, I noticed that the roundabout in the middle of this busy intersection, cars, lorries, buses, taxis, was filled with bunnies.
And Baby Bunnies.

Dealing with Rising Unemployment - The Innovative London Way

You see, in most other parts of the country, shopkeepers install bells on the doors of their shops.
But here in The London, commitment to improving the Unemployment statistics has led to a revolution in employee technology.
Take, for example, one South London Newsagent, who in place of the conventional ‘Beep beep‘ machine, has a man and a can of Special Brew standing by the door.
With every entering customer, the man gives a short ‘Ruuuuumph!‘, and as each customer leaves, a farewelling ‘FUCK!‘
thus each customer feels individually noticed, welcomed and accepted into the shop. And Each customer feels their presence noticed when they leave. If, of course, they’re brave enough to do so.

It can only be a short while until this spreads to the rest of the country.
In fact, who am I kidding. It’s all the rage in Glasgow.

Ready, Steady….

“And she’s off, it’s Anna on the pavement, closely followed by The Deadline, with the dentist following close behind them, an Easyjet Flight lagging behind rather, and then there’s Dinner, Lunch, Family, Friends, and Picnic or An Afternoon In The Pub, but right the front it’s Anna, Anna, Anna and The Deadline, Anna and The Deadline, and here comes The Dentist on the inside corner, with, yes, with a drill, and that gap between them’s opening wide, and he’s in, he’s in, he’s in first, but Anna’s fighting back, she’s pulling away, and away, and she’s got away from The Dentist, and it’s Anna and the Deadline, the Deadline’s catching up, and she’s off again, and who’s this? Who’s this? It’s Easyjet Flight, Easyjet Flight coming as if from nowhere, well, we were expecting him sooner, but it’s good to see him here, and it’s Anna at the front, Anna and Easyjet Flight, pulling away from the Deadline, and the Easyjet Flight is off the track, he’s off the track, there’ll be a delay in any following races we apologise for the inconvinience, and it’s Anna and the Deadline, Anna and the Deadline, and with Family catching up on the outside, and it looks like Anna might finally have that deadline beat, and yes, yes, yes, it’s Anna and the Family, and they’re giving each other a good workout here, and it’s Anna and the Family, Anna and the Family, and here comes The Lunch, and oh? What’s this? She’s shying, she’s shying away there, but no, no, she’s going for it, Anna and The Lunch, Anna and the Lunch and it’s going very well but what’s this now, it’s Dinner, Dinner, here comes dinner, and well, Lunch has taken off somewhere, but here’s Dinner, and she’s away, and we’re back with that familiar pairing, it’s Anna, Anna and the Family, no, hang on, it’s Anna and the Lunch, no, Anna and the Family, Anna and the, hang on… what’s this? It’s Picnic Or An Afternoon In The Pub, flying in, we thought we’d heard the last of her but no, no, it’s Picnic Or An Afternoon In The Pub, Anna and Picnic Or An Afternoon At The Pub, with The Lunch, Dinner, and The Family hot on the heels, and Yes, Friends there too, the unknown entrant, but running well, and at the end of the day there’s only a nose between Anna, Picnic Or An Afternoon In the Pub, The Lunch and Family. And we’re going to have to go to a digital photo finish for that one, it’s all up to the adjudicators now, and we’ll hear that report, when they’re good and ready.

This is your roving reporter, from London, and looking forward to the next meet, 2pm, the Swan Inn, near Lancaster Gate Tube, Sunday, June the First.”

I’m going to London now.

Research Diary

I was asked a few weeks ago if I’d take part in a sleep-study. My sleep patterns being widely variable, I agreed, at first, but then spent a few nights keeping a sleep log as I would for the study. After reading through;

bisy bisy bisy

And not really much to say that isn’t about post-modernism, which is dull.
sorry.

Really looking forward to going to London though…

I’ve had a lovely Dorothy Parker weekend

I’ve re-read all the poetry, curled up in bed, I’ve re-read all her short stories out loud, and it’s been lovely.
One more poem though, for here.

Indian Summer

In youth it was a way I had
To do my best to please
And change, with every passing lad,
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know,
And do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!

(dp)

You know, it’s pretty fecking hard to concentrate on anything, quizzes, essays, anything at all, when everyone’s doing bank holiday things outside, you know, children running around and playing, and laughing and stuff, adults building bonfires and listening to good music, people hammering, sawing, mowing, shouting. Bastards all.

Actually, I know that’s unfair.
I like that people are having a nice day. I’m in a happy mood, generally, and I want other people to be happy too.
And if loafing loudly in the sunshine is what makes these people happy, then all power to them, that’s fine with me, and quite frankly it’s going to rain in a minute anyway, and then you’ll all get wet and I’ll laugh.

What I don’t think is fair is the nasty person almost directly opposite my window, grinding down the stonework around his patio door with a big whirry grinder.
I feel like I’m being attacked by the biggest scariest dentist ever.
I feel like I’m in a protective cage of teeth, giant teeth, like the teeth of giant elephants, except gianter, being attacked by giant - really giant - dentists, lots of them, with killer drills.

Oh good, it’s raining.

Oh sugar

In my post-modernism flap and my supreme uber girliness (ask me another time) I’ve not done enough for my round in the quiz tonight, oh shame, shame on me.

If anyone knows of any sites where I could find a big bunch of interesting/fun facts about european culture/general knowledge, I would love you for ever and ever with no strings attached whatsoever.

No pressure…

Sitting at dinner last night with my mother, discussing plans for a big family celebration for her 60th birthday next year.

My mother: “Gosh, Well your brother will be 32….”
Me; “That’s right, my sister will be 30…”
My mother “And you’ll be….ooooh…. 27. Well, well, well. We could have a theme…”
Me “Where is this going?”
My mother: “We could call it the great big ticking biological clock party”
Me: *sigh*

Subtlety you say? Would you like a cricket bat with that?

Royaume Unis - Nul Points.

Oh dear.
But we completely deserved it.
Not only for the multiple Europe hating us thing, War and Euro and all reasons.
But mainly because the song was utter shite.

treading softly through their dreams

It’s amazing what three days of staying up all night, working or other, and sleeping most of the day will do to your body clock.
Actually, it’s not amazing, it’s highly predictable.
It’ll fuck it up.

And so I stepped out into the street at 4am after the Eurovision Party (go Turkey!), and decided to forgo the expense of the taxi and walk the half hour home.

It’s late may, and the light goes away for a short short time,
And I passed no one on the way home, save one couple with a dog, in deep conversation about their relationship;
a staggering woman, locked out of her tenament on the way to the phone to yell at her passed out husband within;
a group of four students, singing.
Seagulls wheeled between the buildings, looking giant.

Cars and taxis rushed by, carrying people at the end of one day or the beginning of another, and I walked on, through freshly cleaned streets in the bright blue light before the dawn.

Halfway home, I heard the birds begin to sing, and I felt like it was Easter, for in my memory-mind, dawn is always Easter morning, the birds sang and a taxi honked his horn, concerned that a woman should be walking alone and offering a ride, I shook my head, and waved.

And it was comforting to know, somehow, that behind a thousand darkened windows, each mirroring the silver-blue sky, a thousand people slept, wrapped in each others arms or spreadeagled or curled up, comfortable, lost in deep sleep and the middle of their dreams.

And through this world of dreaming sleepers I walked, alone and happy,
toward my own bed, and the soft whirr of the computer, the purr of the cats and the tingle of the promise of the things yet to come.

Ten reasons cushions are better than dogs

1. You can lie on a cushion without it woofing.
2. You can pick up a cushion and use it in a play fight without someone contacting animal welfare.
3. If you kick a cushion it won’t bite you.
4. Cushions don’t make people sneeze. Unless they’re allergic to feathers and the cushions are feather cushions, in which case they will.
5. Cushions don’t poo.
6. Cushions do not have tongues, and therefore cannot lick your face. Which, I suppose, is a bad thing if you happen to like your face being covered in smelly dog drool but I don’t. Not really.
7. Cushions don’t eat, and so, after an initial outlay, are relatively cheap to maintain.
8. Cushions don’t often demand to be taken out for walks.
9. Cushions don’t howl along with the neighbours theme tune.
10. Although more people have probably been killed by cushions than by dogs, it is comparitively cheaper to put the cushion down after the killing.